Home for the Summer (BOYXBOY)

42 | Sandcastle

It hit me once I reached the sidewalk in front of Benji's house that I probably just accidentally broke the boy I love's heart, and even though I hated that I did it, I didn't want to go back inside and look at him.

I had a few options. I could call my mom to pick me up, and explain that she'd have to come back later for Nico. I could hide somewhere in Benji's house until the party fizzled down. Or, I could walk to the beach and sit there while I lost my mind. The latter sounded like my best option.

Before I could take another step toward the ocean, a voice called out to me.

"Apollo?" someone said. I turned around to see Lilli making her way over from the porch. I hadn't even seen her when I walked outside. God, I was out of it.

Lilli looked tired, like she had just woken up and found herself on the doorstep of a party. She was dressed like she belonged here. Her eyes said she didn't.

"Are... Are you okay?"

I didn't realize until then that my cheeks were all wet and my stomach was aching and every part of me felt like death.

"I'm," I began, not sure how to continue. "I'm a little drunk."

She smiled at this. I knew her smile. I sort of missed it. "I can see that."

"I think I'm ruining my life."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That's no good," she said. I looked at her, desperately trying to telepathically communicate that I needed to get the fuck out of here. Somehow, it worked. "Do you wanna take a walk?"

And so, we did. We walked down the street and into the night. At first, neither of us spoke, but it grew too difficult after a little.

"I'm really sorry about everything," I whispered, letting the stars gulp up my words. Lilli glanced at me before nodding.

"You know, it's funny. I thought I was going to fall in love with you."

"Really?"

"I mean... You're a great guy, Apollo. Thoughtful and smart. Dreamy," she smiled, but it was a little sad. "And I remember looking at you and thinking, 'This is the boy I'm going to love for a while'."

I looked down at my shoes then. The alcohol was still clouding my mind as Lilli continued.

"I don't know why I was so sure about it, but I figured you were sure, too. And even when you ended things, it sort of stuck. It was stupid. Ridiculously stupid." Lilli let out this funny expulsion of air and I looked over at her again. "So, really... I messed things up, because I fell in love with the idea of falling in love with you. And I'm sorry."

"I'm the one that kissed a girl when I knew I didn't like girls."

"It's not that simple," she said.

"Isn't it?"

"You liked me, didn't you? Not romantically, but you still liked me."

"Of course I did. I do."

"Then, there. You kissed me, realized you just liked me platonically, and ended things. I kept things going."

I glanced up at the stars, just making sure that they were still there. "I just wish all of this was easier."

There was a pause before she said, "Do you love Nicolas?"

"Yes," I replied without a second thought. "He's leaving me, you know. He's flying home in a few weeks."