All The Queen's Monsters (The Queen's Slave, Book 3)

Fifteen: Reimagined

"There were moments, of course. Those small spaces in time, too soon gone, when everything seems to stand still, and existence is balanced on a perfect point, like the moment of change between the dark and the light, and when both and neither surround you."

-Outlander (Claire Randall Fraiser)

"If You Say So"

By: Lea Michele

A Z A L E A

The third week into Cara's stabilization, I wandered the miles and miles of tunnels we occupied, not knowing if it were day or night. I tended to stick more to myself these days, only mingling with the others at dinner time. I told myself it was easier this way, though if I were being honest, I was afraid of becoming too emotionally attached to them. For the most part I had learned their names, but it was difficult with my curse. My time as wolf was thinning but it was not helping the fact that I was deteriorating. Our bodies were not designed to survive forced shifting, it depleted our muscle mass at fast rates, requiring copious amounts of rest and food each time, and we only had an abundance of one of those to spare. I was grateful that there were no mirrors here, it spared me from gazing upon my bony form. My ribs jutted out, my hipbones sharp and my cheeks had sunken in. I was sure I looked a ghoulish sight, and my shame as I wasted away each day proved to be a formidable form of punishment.

At first, I was excited to be human, thinking that Hade's curse was fading, but now I had doubts. More often than not I wondered if I would die this way, a living skeleton.

My bare feet made little to no sound as I rounded a corner and my ears alerted to two women speaking in hushed tones. I paused to listen, ducking into the shadows outside the open doorway. Inside is what we called the common area, where children and families could interact and hang out. There was not much to do, of course, but a few of the women managed to scrounge up some toys when they went for supply runs.

"I'm worried about her." A voice spoke, Celia's no doubt. "Each day she grows thinner and each night she fades further and further away from us. I don't think she knows how thankful we are for her, for saving us from a lifetime of slavery."

A second woman spoke, though I didn't recognize her by voice alone. "I read once that the longer mated pairs spend apart, the more it takes its toll. I don't think she believes herself worthy of them, otherwise we would be reunited by now. You're right, she is wasting away the longer we stay in this place. I think we should try to convince her to go back. We are almost out of food anyway, and we have nothing to barter but our bodies. In the city we could at least get jobs, show her she isn't alone in bearing the responsibility."

My heart twisted. I couldn't deny their words. They weren't wrong. I'd kept myself away this long out of shame, and fear that I wouldn't be able to control my wolf once I shifted, killing those I loved. But I was dying, and I had to acknowledge that we couldn't thrive here any longer. The only problem was Cara. She had accepted the wolf only two days ago, and was still learning to control her shifts. Newly turned wolves were easy to anger, and incredibly territorial. It would be a challenge to move her, and an even larger one to trust her.

I turned back around, heading for the cave she occupied, my breathing becoming slightly labored, and I had to lean against the wall once I found the boulder that kept her secured. My arms shook and I struggled to stay standing as I pushed it aside, enough for me to enter. Blinking, I slowly adjusted to the dark, finding her eyes staring back at me from the darkness, a comforting sight to my wolf, who missed her pack dearly. I slowly walked towards her, my eyes on hers until she looked down and bared her neck to me in submission. She was large in her wolf form, and beautiful.