Xanthous Feelings[ONC 2023]

II

Excerpt from her journal 

It's not my fault I'm different, the stars  would whisper  "come find us"..... how could I possibly refuse?

  ***

NO ONE REMEMBERED YEMI.  She wasn't surprised. Nearly six years had passed since she'd left Bethel high,but  a century would pass and she would still remember the terrors of that school, remember the nights she'd wake up clutching her chest with tears in her eyes. They nearly broke her.

How many times had she wished to  drop dead? The nightmares, they never really stopped. Yemi died and woke up every morning.  Her eyes caught the little journal that had held her through those dark nights. Her ink and paper were the only ones she spoke to. Every time the voices got louder, she'd write her own.

The school she'd transferred to was bearable but merely the lesser evil.  Terrible all the same.  Emmanuel academy's graduation ceremony was scheduled for noon the next day and Yemi just wanted this night to be over. She was tired in her bones.

Yemi drew the black pencil underneath her eyelids, making her pupils shine like starlight. She darkened the flesh on her upper lip,smearing a layer of thick gloss on the bottom lip.

The ugliest people weren't those without fancy make-up they were people pretending to be what they weren't. She stopped pretending a long time ago.  Heavy makeup was just like art, all the different brushes and colors and shades  but Yemi  was done being someone else's canvas. She was art herself.

When Adufe told her about the graduation party happening at the club she worked at, Yemi blatantly turned down the invitation.  Yet here she was, dressed in the only girly outfit she owned.  A long sleeved dress she's sure has seen better days. Curse her cousins persuasion skills.

Her little journnal fit snuggly  into her small brown purse. She would need it to survive the night.

***

Yemi didn't think she would like the club this much. It was the music that had caused Yemi's body to sing. It broke through her shields and set her soul free, creating a beat that melted into her heart.  She was the music, the music was her. There was nothing else.

A tasteful desire, my lust would require
I have no useful aim
The ranger is tired, he's lost but inspired
I have no use for pain.
Can I, be kind this time to my heart
And lie, that I love you with all of my nine lives sigh
I have no need for pain.

The words of the song still whispered in her ears.  Yemi sat at one of the barstools, listening to Adufes ridiculous attempt at a Temz impression when she  gestured to a boy with charcoal skin, fingers tucked into the pockets of his jeans like he would rather be anywhere else but here. Typical rich kid.

"Do you know him?" She said, cleaning a glass cup at the same time.

Yemi's eyes locked on the boy in question and__ Christ, when did he grow so tall?  She swears  he wasn't this tall  when they'd climbed mango trees together.

"We went to Bethel together", she remembered exactly how his palm felt in hers, how he would laugh when she was scared of a storm but would hold her hands till it stopped. But that was then "Why do you ask?"

"He kept looking at you"

Yemi's eyes nearly popped from their sockets."Why didn't you tell me?!!"

Adufe laughed like Yemi's utter humiliation was the funniest thing ever.

"You looked like you were having fun and I didn't want to disturb you"

"Adufe, why are you like this now?" Yemi willed the ground to open up and swallow her, unfortunately for her, she wasn't an earth bender. 

"You'll thank me later" yes, she was surely going to thank her__when she's in the hospital dying from a cardiac arrest! "Besides, I'm sure you guys were friends, the way he was just looking at you" Adufe raised her eyebrows like Yemi was finally getting some action. She would not be surprised if her cousin orchestrated the whole thing. 

Were they friends? Yemi wasn't even sure anymore. It's been a while since she had one of those__friends. Adufe was family so she obviously didn't count. Did friends hold hands and watch the sky burn from the ground up? Did they share the same breath,secrets too?"

"No, we weren't friends" Because it was true. Yemi and Dara were never friends. They were an explosion waiting to happen, a natural disaster that would shake their worlds and everything in it.
"And  he won't even recognize me"

"Are you sure about that ?"

"Yes... what's wrong "

"Don't look oh, but I think he wants to come say hi"

Jesus.

Yemi's panic knew no bounds. Her chest felt like someone was pounding yam inside. Because OmoDara Adebayo was coming to say hi and she should have sprayed more perfume because she's all sweaty now and she probably smelled bad and she's having a mini panic attack.

"I need to hide"

"Yemi, you can't keep running from thing's like this" Adufe says and yes, Yemi knows this like it's the  water she drinks and that sooner or later she'd have to face her past, probably talk to him too.
She nods painfully.

"There's a hallway over there, you can hide in one of the rooms at the back for a while but you owe me"

Yemi beams like it's the best thing she's heard and her legs are running like they were on fire because they knew they'd turn to akamu  if they didn't run.

Yemi found a dark room that and sat on the ground. She pulled out her journal and wrote down the first thing she thought of.

Excerpt from her journal
We run from the love we want, and embrace what breaks us.

Author's Note
Hey lovelies.
See that little star down there?
Yep, the orange one.
Don't forget to click on it.
                                                                   Xoxo Graxie