Fallin in love

Jay.

*Jay's Pov*

I was scrolling through tiktok when I saw that y/n had texted.

She said she wanted to talk so I got up and changed since I was only wearing sweatpants.

I decided to sit in the backyard while I waited for her to get here.

Once she did she immediately came to the back yard and sat down in front of me.

I was nervous because the text had sounded serious and I was only thinking the worst.

"Hey" she said breaking the silence.

"Hi" I responded.

An awkward silence fell and we just sat there for a moment avoiding eye contact.

"So uh.. did you wanna talk about something?" I asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah" she replied.

"So I know we've kind of been... you know. Flirty." She started

Shit. I already know where this is going.

"But" she continued before I interrupted.

"But you still love Jacob" I sighed looking away from her and pushing my tongue into my cheek out of frustration

Knew it.

"Sorry" she apologized.

"Don't apologize. You can't help it" I said forcing a smile.

"I know but.. I feel like I led you on" she said looking away from me.

"It's okay Bee" I smiled.

"I'm perfectly fine just being friends. As long as we can hangout and I can see you I'm happy" I added.

She returned my fake smile with a real one.

I've always loved her smile.

"Thanks for understanding" she said.

"You know I'm starting to think that leaving me heartbroken is a hobby of yours" I replied sarcastically.

She laughed and I couldn't help but admire her.

As much as I didn't want to have feelings for her or even find her attractive.

I can't help it.

I always have.

Even when we were kids I thought she was amazing. When I was 7 she told me she loved dandelions. Harper thought she was crazy because "one blow and it's all gone" she would say.

But y/n said "one blow and all your wishes come true". She always said it with a smile.

I made sure to bring her one every single day of spring and summer.

I finally gathered up the courage to ask her out and to my surprise she said yes.

But like the idiot I am I fucked it up.

I started to hang out with the wrong people and became addicted to heroin. Started partying and doing tons of shit I wasn't supposed to.

She broke up with me because of it.

I always find myself thinking about if things would be different for us now if I hadn't screwed up.

Maybe we would still be together?

I know it's a stretch since that was years ago but.. it's possible.

"Watcha thinking about?" She questioned breaking me out of my thoughts.

I guess she had noticed that I had kind of disassociated.

"Nothing" I said dismissing her question.

"No tell me" she smiled.

I'm gonna regret this.

"I was thinking about if things would be different... if I hadn't done what I did in high school" I said nervously.

I was avoiding eye contact with her at all costs.

"Maybe" she replied.

Somehow that hurt more than it would if she had said yes or no.

It was like our past was forever undecided.

Like there was no right answer.

I nodded in response not knowing what to say.

"Don't dwell on the past Jay" she said.

"Everything happens for a reason" She added.

"If everything happens for a reason than why'd I start doing drugs?" I questioned.

If everything happens for a reason why'd you have to leave?

"Maybe it made you a better person. Even if you don't realize it. Like now that you know how it is to hit rock bottom your motivated to keep climbing to avoid it you know?" She said.

And as always she was right.

I did hit rock bottom.

And I will never do that shit again.

No matter what or who pressures me I will not let myself steep that low.

I looked up at her, about to say something.

But I was interrupted by Bryce coming outside.

I didn't pay much attention because once again I was lost in thought.

Even if she loves Jacob.

I'm not letting her go again.
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I wanted to portray Jays side of the story. So you could really get to know him as a reader yk? So even though this is a shorter chapter I hope y'all still like it.

Thanks for reading<333