If I Told You I Was Yours...

Life I'm Over You

"And I know it's kinda selfish but It's not my choice to leave
'Cause I wish I could stay, But it's more of a need
For me to go away"   

 -Life I'm Over You-Zevia

(Warning: Triggering and suicidal thoughts.)

Draco had endured a lot of pain in his life.

He kept most of it to himself, or forced his pain outwards in the form of mean remarks and actions that had him shivering with guilt at night. But he never cracked, not even once. Even when he traced the scars that littered his back and arms, when he was forced to say things he did not mean and push away anything and everything that got to close to his heart.

The corridors of Hogwarts were always cold and drafty at night. He didn't mind, it was much like Malfoy manor in a way. He was hidden in an alcove, back to the wall as his eyes focused on the view presented to him.

Harry Potter and Ginny Weasely.

They had recently gotten together, although whether the rest of the school knew was something to be debated on... but Draco knew.Every night when they snuck away, every time they took walks by the Black Lake and every trip to Hogsmeade, he was there watching silently from the shadows.

And every time it felt like someone was stepping on the already fragile pieces of what remained of his heart.

If hate was cruel, love was the greater evil.

It was a lesson Draco had known his whole life, but it took a whole meaning this year.

He had finally gained his inheritance.

His whole life he had been told that being a veela was a blessing, that he was so lucky to have a soulmate, a person who would love him unconditionally, the second half of his soul. It had been a fragile hope in his heart as a child and the only thing he clung to until now. But of course, much like everything in his life, fate despised him as well.

For his mate was none other than Harry Potter.

Wasn't it funny that the person that was meant to care for him, loathed him to with every fibre of his being? Wasn't it ironic, that the person whom he longed to notice him, had eyes filled with so much hate and disgust when they finally focused on him? Wasn't it such a joke that the person whom had his heart belonged to another?

Draco let out a silent dry chuckle as the pain in his chest increased in full force, like hundreds of sharp needles impaling themselves in his chest. He wipe the blood slowly dripping out of his nose with his already crimson-soaked sleeve, burying the urge to cough out his lungs.

His dull grey eyes were unfocused for a moment but he ignored it, burning the image of the happy couple into his retinas.

He knew that he was only killing himself, his health was deteriorating at an alarming rate. He wanted to die a lot faster, but committing suicide was unfortunately not an option. However, dying a slow and excruciating death from rejection? Yes that would do nicely and make a fine conclusion to the pathetic story he called a life.

He watched Harry smile and his pale lips weakly tugged up.  Yes it hurt that that smile was not directed at him but it was there and that made him happy, even if it felt like his blood was on fire.

Deciding he had had enough for the night, he pushed himself away from the wall. He nearly tripped as vertigo overtook his vision for a while. Draco slinked away back to his dorms.

He would die much sooner than he thought.

************

malfoy was behaving strange this term.

Harry noticed, his friends called him paranoid. SO yes, maybe the death of Sirius had made him a bit crazy but he was not imagining things. The way the blonde was always sneaking off somewhere and he extremely fidgety behaviour rang alarm bells in Harry's head.

they were in Potions class and Slughorn had decided to place his two best students together. Translation: Harry and Draco. Harry had of course protested, yet Malfoy did not seem all too bothered. In fact the blonde had not said anything since they began brewing together.

Harry was fine as long as the bigot kept his mouth shut so he did not really mind.

Harry was just in the middle of stirring the potion when something caught his attention. While malfoy was busy crushing the unicorn horns, his sleeve had ridden up a bit showing the black inky tattoo on his forearm, a mark harry knew all to well.

He paused, his mind not comprehending what he was seeing. 

He had always known malfoy was not a good person but a deatheater?

Harry did not realise of course that he abrupt stop had caught the blonde's attention. Draco followed Harry's gaze to find the dark mark exposed. He hurriedly pulled down his sleeve as panic gripped his heart making it difficult to breathe.

He took one look into those green eyes that were filled with disbelief and disgust.

Draco barely prevented himself for lurching forward, to curl up in a ball in hopes to ease agony he felt. Before the gryffindor could utter a word, he spun on his heels and dashed out of the classroom ignoring Slughorn's calls.

*******

(Warnings: Blood, self harm)

He felt like he was choking.

Moaning Myrtle knew to stay out of his way. She could only watch with worried eyes as the young boy fell apart.

Draco knew vaguely that he ripping at his clothes, trying to get out of the restricting material. His fingers, now extended to claws dug into his already fragile skin leaving red slashes in their wake. A sound escaped his throat, somewhere between an agonizing scream and the loud screech of a bird as his wings tore through his back, ripping up more of his skin.

The once usually bright white plummage were now a dull ashen gray hanging limply from his crooked wings and stained with his own blood. He continued to yell, his throat hoarse and near ripping as he clawed at the inky tattoo on his forearm with vengeance.

The sting was nothing compared to the torment battering repeatedly in his head. He wings began to beat rapidly on their own, sending him flying head first into the mirror. the glass shattered on impact, the shard embedding themselves into the skin of his tear soaked face and shoulders. Through his vision, hazy red with blood, he could make out the horrified expression on Myrtle's face. This was nothing, his veela had punished him in worse ways than this.  

And he was right. Draco watched almost like an outbody experience as his weakened body was flung across the room like a ragdoll. His wings landed wrong, resulting in the limbs breaking yet again. His skin was littered with bruises and cuts.

By the time his fit was over, he was curled up in a ball, his wings hanging lifelessly beside him. He was well aware that ideally he should be dead. But the same veela that was punishing him wanted him alive for a while longer so he was still breathing, if not just barely.

There were footsteps but he took no notice, far too gone in his pain to really care. Draco could vaguely make out the silhouette of a person in front of him, their voice was unclear almost like he was underwater. He managed to lift his eyes up, through his bleary vision he could just barely see the horror filled green eyes of one Harry Potter.

"Malfoy?"

so yeah,

I just wrote that... It's 2 in the morning. I am done. I'm nearly crying and wondering just wtf is wrong with me. Don't forget to vote and comment.

Love,

Alenny13