A SINNERS SONG → DICK GRAYSON

06 | falling into the same bad habits

0006. CHAPTER SIX
— falling into the same bad habits

AUGUSTINE FINLEY LIKED TO THINK THAT EVERY PERSON WHO CAME INTO HER LIFE WAS ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE STORY THAT WAS CONSTANTLY CHANGING. She knew the minute that Dick Grayson walked into it, however, that everything had changed. He had singled-handedly come in and rewritten some of the things she was sure would happen. Being the headstrong person she is (or maybe was, she couldn't quite tell if she had lost the fire she once had as a young girl) she had told herself there were some things she was never going to do. The biggest one of them all: she was never going to be like her mother. She wouldn't allow herself to get hurt the same way — not by a best friend, not by a loved one, not even by her family. Augustine Finley was sure of that, she wouldn't allow anyone to get close. Can't get hurt if you let no one in, at least, that's how she was trying to think of it. But then Dick Grayson weaseled his way into her life, shredding that idea of not being close to anyone and making her realize just how much she had missed out on by doing so. Augustine then understood why her mother never regretted the things she had done and the people she had gotten close to. Why her mother always pushed her to go out there and socialize, just how much she was missing out on in her life because she was trying to protect her heart from something that can't be protected from.

She was at the very least grateful to Dick for that — even if she had gone through tremendous pain because of the things he had done to her. He still taught her about the good things that came from having people around that cared for her. He opened her world to something she had never once thought about and made her think it was okay to get hurt because she'd get back up again. Confirmed that her fears were alright, that it was okay to be afraid of having her heart broken by someone else. But that, in the end, she'd be able to pick up the pieces and glue them back together. That any heart, whether it's been shattered and torn and out back together with tiny pieces still missing, can get the job done. He pushed her into a world she would have avoided if she could, which she was thankful for. She wouldn't be the person she is today if it wasn't for that push, that welcoming "you'll be okay, it's okay to put yourself out there" that Dick gave her before every gala. She wouldn't be half the doctor she was today if it wasn't for being pushed by Dick Grayson to make connections.

To form bonds between her and people, even as they leave this world. Augustine can't count the number of times she's been the one to hold the hand of someone as they die, afraid of being alone. How many times she's heard someone's life story only to see their final chapter come to a close. Her heart ached every single time she thought of it — because what would her story look like? Was she going to have something worth telling someone by the end of it. Will she have children? Grandchildren? Or will she be like some of the people she's been there for, alone in the same way they had entered this Earth. That was the only thing that Augustine resented Dick for, he opened up this world to her of having her heart open to the public. A life where she craved being around other people, getting to see them and interact with them. But, what happens if in the end of it everyone's eyes open and they see her for who she really was? An imposter of a human being just trying to survive. Dick had left her behind in a trail of dust, what was stopping every other person in her life from doing the same exact thing?