Beauty of me | book 3 of autosexual confessional ✔️

What i thought

At one point i thought romantic Love was supposed to trick you were at least the worst trying to consume your life and try to at least a press your life. I have had many relationships where I didn't have time to write or draw or do anything I spent most of my time talking to the dumb idiot talking about him or her and only about them or her and it was really aggravating and I never had a chance because every time I go on my iPad or my phone they would end up messaging me right away it would drive me completely baddie and crazy. I don't know how many times I've had a lockdown people are blocked people because of them randomly messaging me in the morning saying good morning sweetheart for god sake's I say and then I end up blocking them because I can't stand or handle them for some reason. Very overwhelming to be around other people that want romance and it's very oppressive to be in romantic relationship with someone else so I find that's why I don't bother with that instead what do I bother with art writing music other stuff that's actually worth my time but there another asshole comes around the corner and then I'm stuck talking to them and having to worship them and it drives me nuts. No to inside anything here by someone who lives in an open wheelchair or in a hospital bed with the way they act online randomly talking to people that may not want to talk to them back or if they find out who where they live they end up getting hurt. Then I'm talking about the idiots not the person that is being message randomly. This is so annoying and you end up having to worship these are the kids they want to relationship with you in the end up wrecking everything your schedule everything it's stupid and you just want to cripple them as I said I don't lie to incite violence or anything but in this case one is pervert wanting to be in a relationship with you and they won't let you have time to yourself or to your hobbies or whatever it's very annoying and you just want to take them by the spine and snap them. I don't know how many times I get hello baby you're a cutey oh you're cute or some thing about those lines yes I know I'm cute but you don't have to know that kind of thing it's just my business in my business only you don't have to look at my face but then again if you're going to be a jack ass I'm gonna wear a Burka anyway just from my Facebook Selfies just to keep you away from me or at least snap your spine in half so you don't do this to someone else because it's not all right to show inappropriate pictures online and it's not nice to message people saying hey cutey out of a random anything it's very aggravating here that's why I get a little snarly with the way I deal with people online and now I only talk to people that I know because I know they're not gonna bastardize my day or saying friend request me and then messaged me that I know that they're there but it soon as it gets to a romantic or sexual place the conversation I instantly get away from it right away now.
What if there ain't there sometimes it's important to step back and think about what you're saying like I just thought about snapping some when I'm persons spying and happy because they said hey cutey that something that in wages me because I despise being called that or dis es being in online relationships or relationships and general with people that are not friend worthy or worthy of my attention and they decide to make it earlier my attention and the next thing you know I end up having to talk to the person 24 seven and not get sleep not do my hobbies or chores in our other things and it makes you want to pull out whatever hair I have a riot on my head. Do you want it's OK to admire someone I say who I like that person's profile picture who I like that way that person looks but I don't message them and then flirt with him and try to annoy them because I know it is called treat others the way you want to be treated if you don't want to be bug but I ran a holes than you decide that you do not randomly become the a hole yourself that's basically it free to others the way you want to be treated and that's basically the size of it. I don't need we know that I'm good working what is that I'm trying to keep myself healthy or anything so I don't need to know that I'm good looking or that I'm healthy so don't flirt with me kind of thing because it's just gonna lead to one thing after another and the next thing you know I can't sleep because you're talking to me right laughing centre. That's what happens all the time on relationships and online relationships I just never let him be yourself or let yourself be alone with your thoughts they were always messaging you or talking to you and yapping in your ear and stuff like that I despise this with a passion and I don't let you sleep in other stuff it's very aggravating sometimes I wonder if the Internet or some people are even worse the effort sometimes because they're very aggravating. I try to make a positive out of everything like I try to use only Internet to make my posts make my art make my photography make my writing music rap whatever I think I can do but I do not socialize or online because that's just plain stupid when you can actually talk to someone in person but even at that sometimes I can be a stocker to and not leave you alone and want you to worship them as well in person in real life as well it's very aggravating. I find this is very certain with certain groups of people on my birthday what time because I'm not trying to be racist but I'm just saying is that I find that certain people or types of people are more likely to say kiss my ass and worship me kind of thing and I don't leave me alone kind of thing don't have any hobbies and stuff that gets is another red flag. Is it part of their culture no they just use it as an excuse to be an asshole.
Well let's just say here so I use the Internet to help cope with my PTSD how my doing art writing rap music music or learning about new things or blogging or being a creator that's basically what I am a creator I'm not a socializer I don't like to see your wang or your Tang depending on your gender when I'm trying to do business business meaning trying to post and create stuff online that is actually worth my time or worth other peoples time instead of your whatever you wanna show me. And when I'm wadling I don't wanna hear about NSF you are myself being NSFW on the only anatomy that I show is my face decent smile and a good pair of clothing pants and a T-shirt or pants and insured or something along those lines that covered all but leave to the imagination I don't believe in showing anything the neck down as I call it. I might have tattoos Nas down but I do not decide to show them unless I have to be doing a bikini or bathing suit shot. Other than that you don't see skin Josie clothing and a smile that's about it I don't want to hear about half myself being rated mature because I'm just smiling like a goon. It's like is that really offensive to some people that you smile and you actually smile genuinely and they call it NSFW and you're not even showing half your body parts it's very aggravating and I find it very offensive recalled NSFW when I keep my clothing on and not do a Roddick stuff it's just very annoying crap. I despise the idea that there is this you have to tag your things mature or tag you're saying is not mature or rate them. Because it and then the next scene of the site rated as mature and offensive and you're getting annoyed because you can't delete the picture and it's a very tasteful picture and it doesn't even have any anatomy in it. When I mean in anatomy I mean breast and other things that are from the neck down that I don't believe should be seen when you're modelling unless you're doing a bikini shot aura bathing suit shot other than that I don't believe in doing nudes or semi nude I don't believe in doing anything that you know.
How do you say remember why am calling me a whore because I was trying to model one time and didn't know what I was doing but again there was no anatomy in the wrong meaning NSFW content and I found it very aggravating. That was the one thing I learned about my aunt that she was trying to show her true colours she was a pain in my you know what and she was starting to blossom and not in a good way. She was beginning to be a thorn in my side and then pretty soon a knife in my side when she had that damn dinner and trying to have my mother to adopt one of her grandchildren which was so stupid it wasn't even funny so I decide it's not bother not worth trying to apologize anymore. I hate crime going to see this on Facebook to my and it says how did I offend you let me do it again kind of thing me in other words let me be my own person and be quiet and leave me alone kind of thing and that's about the size of it. I don't take bullying very kindly or the fact that there are these bullies around that will call you demeaning names.
And I find the certain people that are more minion and others that I said the Catholic so the worst for Molly in Catholics as in Catholic school not Catholic people some Catholic people are vicious. But that's beside the point but not my mother she wasn't vegetable she was Catholic but she brought me into a vicious school system that was going to tend to make me look like an idiot most of the time so I didn't bother socializing with people and I still don't to this day I do talk to people from time to time but that is just to say hello how are you doing that's about it. Because I believe in three hours the way you wanna be treated if I want to be treated with respect and kindness and decency I am going to treat you with kindness 70s and see if you want to treat me like crap and return then you get crap back. But I usually go upwards in on words with my life and try not to bother as I said treat others the way you want to be treated instead of having to be the bully as well so I just shut up and then you complain when I get home either to my brother or my workers at the house either one I guess let it rip after I'm in closed doors. I don't believe in certain to the person here idiot you called me an idiot kind of thing unless a person is picking on someone with a disability or cannot defend them selves in anyway. So really I don't bother with people in life so nice to me or if they're being mean to my friends that's basically the end of it right there with that topic about bullying and people driving me nuts as I said it's just if you want to be driven nutts drive other people Nutts with the don flirting our cyber is very easy to drive yourself much is called driving other people nuts. It's very easy it's called treat others the way you want to be treated and I know that's a Christian term but still that is the term that I use because it's really poignant in this case with my life I have been treated like crap and I've created other people like crap because well I've been treated like crap is an excuse no it's just because that's how I was treated if my father yells at me a yell back at him and that was basically it because he yelled at me so he was more or less begging to be yelled back at its called treating others the way you want to be treated. And then there's a time when I was in the grocery store I got called a sound and word and another flipping the person off and the person decided to call the police and I said go ahead you stupid Nazi and that was about the size of the blue Avenue a powder keg and he got fired is it ganas how are you treat other people that's going to get you somewhere in life. Do I think the people should be snarly around each other and being mean no it's I've had lost friends because it negatively towards myself not me but negativity meeting other people talking bad about me or talking or picking on me and my friend say well we don't wanna hang out with this kind of a person I used to have many friends in grade one by the time when I was in grade 8 I had only Karen with me. She was the only one that stuck by me because she knew me like a back of her armpit. As best as she can understand me or anything by that nature but she never laid a hand on me or called me a mean name. She knew better than to believe the bullies what is the other friends I had believe the bullies and decided they were going to join in with the picking or decide to go and ghost me right away. I don't think you should believe in rumours or name-calling if you don't wanna be around someone say it just say that you really don't have to be saying well soon so called you a freak you look like a freak kind of thing so I can talk to you type thing that's kind of already there anymore I mean already did I mean the R word. I only use that word when it comes to other peoples behaviours they're not really behavioural but actions towards other people and others people who are being nasty to one another saying nasty things and other stupid stuff that I find that makes me wanna pull out my hair or pull out my wig. One of the two depending on if I'm wearing a wig or I'm wearing my natural hair which is a buzz cut. Do I really enjoy having you hear about someone complaining about someone else or dealing with the drama no I don't because I've dealt with drama all my life and it's something I try to get away from when I moved out so I don't like seeing people being mean to each other or bad drivers or any kind of drama because if I said I moved to the group home just to get out of the drama and the bowl crap or bullshit how do I say. I'm trying to be in some positivity and try to be creative and try to be more helpful to myself not just auto romantic wise but also mental health is South Carolina's instead of just being a drama queen enjoying the drama. Do you have to enjoy the drama know it's going to cause more health problems so I just do self-care and mental health things for myself as well as creative stuff and spiritual stuff not religious or anything else but just spiritual and new AG and stuff like that that's about the size of the case of my self care and I practice mindfulness to help me track my mood and see what kind of mood I'm going to be in pretty soon on an hour in the next few hours depending on how the day goes I can tell usually have a day will go no matter where I live I am retail on a day is going to go south and then I have to hunker down and take a deep breath. That's the only thing that I have to do half the time is to take a deep breath and just take a step back and walk away I don't treat other people like crap because I feel like crap. Instead I just shut up and do what I have to do. Do I believe in annoying other people as well whether they on purpose or online or whatever to be annoying no I don't but I have annoying some people in my life and made enemies. Because they cannot handle the way I am but that's not my fault that is on them and that's basically why either my enemies because I don't see Ida I with me and I try to be civil with him and they still act like children. Example the guy from Burkina Faso that he had us who was kind a wo my mother to her death.