The first thing Chaewon wants to do when she gets home is take a shower, but she can't. She can't because now that she's driven Kazuha home - and she had to take her to bed since Kazuha was in no condition to do anything other than pass out in the hallway -, there is nothing else to occupy her mind. And so she panics.
She feels it coming, she always does. There are beads of sweat on her forehead and everything becomes blurry, making it hard for her to walk to her room. She stumbles inside in her dizzy state, and sits on the floor, back against her bed. Her throat is tightening and she gets butterflies in her stomach, the kind she would rather never experience, she would pay for it even.
Chaewon is terrified, and her heart pounds faster and faster, and threatens to come out of her chest.
It's hard to think but she remembers the tricks she'd learned to overcome this: belly-breathing is the first step. She digs her nails in her belly and takes a deep breath, holding it in for as long as she can before exhaling so slowly it seems like a whole hour has passed.
But then again, it always feels like time expands into eternity when she's panicking.
She doesn't hold in the next breath she takes, she just focuses on keeping them deep and steady, and repeats the process until the beating of her heart no longer vibrates on the skin of her breasts.
Looking around the room, Chaewon tries to notice pleasant things but it's too dark for her to see. Her guitar is in the corner and she can't play, not when it's so late, so she starts humming her favorite lullaby and doesn't stop until she knows the panic is gone.
It's gone but it leaves her drained and exhausted and she wishes she could just curl up in bed and sleep, but Yunjin's smell is imbued in the club stench of her dress, and it rolls off of her pores like a disease.
Chaewon will shower and she will sleep and when she wakes up tomorrow, she will think about what all of this means.
"Unnie, unnie!"
Chaewon groans, trying to shift under her sister's weight. "Chaemin, if it's earlier than ten, I swear to God..."
"It's ten," Chaemin says, with a huge grin. "It's Sunday and we always watch a movie on Sunday mornings!"
Chaewon groans some more, and starts shaking on purpose so Chaemin loses her balance and falls next to her on the mattress, laughing.
"Who's picking today?" Chaewon asks, stretching.
"Your turn, Unnie." Chaemin stands up and grabs Chaewon's hand, pulling her.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," Chaewon mutters, dragging her body to the edge of the bed so she can stare at the floor. "Where are my slippers?"
Chaemin gets them for her and pushes the blanket back. "Can we watch The Book of Life ?"
"I thought it was my turn to pick."
"Yes, so I'm asking you, not telling you," Chaemin replies, and Chaewon lifts her brows at the little girl's sass.
"Fine, your majesty, let's watch that."
"Yay!" She runs out and Chaewon can hear her heavy steps down the stairs and her mom's voice yelling for them to stop running in the house. "Come on, mamá made banana pancakes!"
That is more than enough motivation for Chaewon to get up.
Chaewon is about to restart working on her essay on the history of the electoral college for AP Government when her phone buzzes. She ignores it at first but the rhythm is constant so she picks it up and glances at the screen. Sure enough, it's 2:17 PM and a hilarious picture of Kazuha with a duckface flashes at her. Chaewon is willing to bet she just woke up.
