BELLRAM V01 - Ambivalence of Light and Shadow I

BP001-P40 - Empty 1

Late night. Meia was sitting again in the carriage in which she had sat only half a day ago. The forest was dark, but the planted glass bowl on the ceiling gave the interior of the carriage a pleasant brightness. Over the long ride, Meia had partially regained her composure. In silence she sat facing the window. She could see nothing. The fine curtains hid the landscape behind a veil of white, but darkness lurked in the crevices by the window frames.

Meia was alone at the table. The butler was outside on the coach box. By this time he would surely have already called it a night. Meia forced him to work at this late hour.

After a while, the whiteness of the curtains changed. The gloom outside became fainter. The forest became lighter.

Meia heard the babbling of the stream, then the rattling of wheels began on the old wooden bridge.

A point of light shimmered past. It was the lantern from the gable of the first house.

Meia was foolish. Why had she even hoped for a different outcome? It had been clear to her from the beginning how it would end. His plans had changed? What were his actual plans?

Exhausted, Meia let her head hang, for the first time since the departure.

What had she done wrong? Could she have done anything right at all?

The horses did not care that she did not want to go on yet. The carriage drove. Outside it was getting even brighter.

The dense houses had passed. Gravel clattered against the wheels for a moment.

The road to the mine was also quickly behind them.

The centre of gravity slowly tilted. The last hill began.

At the top, the carriage came to a halt.

Meia heard a jump and footsteps on the ground.

Someone knocked on the door.

At her request, it opened.

The butler apologised for the long journey. He did not attempt any justifications.

The road out of the village was narrow and hardly maintained. At night it was difficult, especially for a carriage of this width. Once they had even stopped so that he could clear away a branch. If he had still justified himself, it would be a reproach; after all, her family was responsible for the maintenance.

The butler offered Meia his hand to help her get out. Meia accepted, because it was tradition after all.

Meia stood by the fence.

She was home.

Light still burned on the right side in the dining room, flickering dimly through the two panes of the front door. Without woods or clouds, the night was bright in the grass, yet the butler took the lantern from the carriage in his hand. Across the path he led it to the house. He held the lantern close to the sandy ground. Was it so she could see their footsteps?

Once he tried to start a conversation with her. It was just something about the dairy farm. Was he trying to comfort her?

Meia nodded it off. She did not need comforting. She was not sad. To be sad, one would have to be disappointed. If you had no expectations, you could not be disappointed.

Halfway there, the front door opened.

The housemaid stepped outside. She had probably already heard the carriage.

At the end of the veranda she stopped to wait. She put her arms on her hips as if getting ready to give her a telling off.

From Meia's memory, it was not a posture she had seen from her before. Her look was like that of a disappointed mother.