Some people have their first love in high school, some in college. Some meet a random guy at a club on the other side of the world and get their heart absolutely broken after two weeks of very relationshippy stuff when the guy has to leave the capital for his hometown to go get mentally assessed for the mandatory military service in that country but right before that have some kind of twisted break-up sex to say goodbye, losing their virginity in the process. And some people are in love with their best friend.
It's an easy trap to fall into, really. But I didn't think all of this when ghost Bestie said she needed to tell me something.
"I think..." the light of the sun as it set shone through her transparent body. I couldn't help but notice that she was beautiful. "I think I know why the ritual didn't work" Bestie finally mustered up.
"Oh" I said, still clueless.
"There's a lot of things I want to say right now."
"Just say it."
"I didn't want the ritual to work" she confessed. "I couldn't - I can't - I was scared." She looked like she was about to starting crying from her ghostly eyes. "I can't accept combining my soul with some random other conscience. Fuck this sounds so weird."
She was right, all of this did sounds weird, but it had been our lives (?) for a while now.
"I can't risk losing any of this. Any of me. I know it's selfish, but what if my body's new conscienceness feels completely different feelings than I do? I don't want to lose my feelings. And what if we fuse and it's different? I'm different? We're... different?"
The quiver in her voice became more and more noticeable. She was about to cry. I have felt stupid for not realising right then that maybe, just maybe she said this not just thinking of our BFF status.
"We'll always be best friends! Look, I don't know how, but we're gonna make this work. I bet Shriona has some other spell that cou-"
"Not like that."
The words hit me like a bag of bricks when they came. I knew she meant it and I knew what I felt I wanted to answer. It was the first time I had heard those words coming from someone who was not my mother. Maybe the first time anyone says them to you it hits the hardest? Or maybe it was because of who said them.
"I love you." Bestie said softly, but clearly. "I am madly in love with you"
"No you don't" Was the only thing I could say. What was that response? How could I say that? What about her feelings? I stuttered to take it back, tried to think of any words that could make up for what I just said. "I think maybe me too, is what I mean."
Bestie looked up - she'd been looking at the sand until now - and I looked into her bright shining ghost orbs. When did she get so close? Had her lips always looked this soft? Did I just look at them? Before I realised in full what was happening, I felt (??somehow??) warm lips on mine and it was nothing like I'd ever imagined or known. I wished we could stay like this forever. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I wrapped mine around her waist and pulled her tight, closer to me. But then the warmth I had felt started to disappear. I opened my eyes to see the fading image of my best friend, who I was also definitely madly in love with.
"Did you just literally ghost me?" I scoffed. No response. "You can come back now.."
And I realised she wasn't going to. Did she knew this would happen? She must have. She was crying in that last moment. Did my best friend just commite ghost suicide on me? Suddenly, tears were already streaming down my face and I blinked. I'd been thinking so many thoughts that I forgot to feel emotions. And I cried. On that beach, in front of the remnants of a beautiful sunset and my first kiss.
That's how Ben and Bestie found me, but I couldn't bear looking at her. After an appropriate amount of "are you okay" and "i don't think we should do the party like this", I wiped my tears, swallowed my self-pity and said "it's time for Jackson Wang's party".
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party party
