𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐘 → original

twenty two

Around noon, Amory, Marc, and Ophelia got a rental car. They said their goodbyes to the other three, before putting the address in Marc's phone and departing.

Back at the hotel, Lou felt like she had a weight on her chest. Even if she wasn't with them, it seemed their endeavor was all she could worry about. Nothing in the world could distract her, until there was a soft knock on her door.

This time around, they had not shared like in the past, mostly at Lou's insistence. She knew it simply wasn't a good idea, because she had come to learn she was not as strong as she had fooled herself into believing.

Her heart rate picked up a bit, and she breathed in a deep breath before slinging her legs over the side of the bed. She assumed it would be Caspar, and she was filled with both a mix of excitement and trepidation. She wanted to see him, and wrap her arms around him as she had when he was in the hospital, and to let herself be weak and stupid for once in her life. She also didn't know what to say to him.

It turned out she would not have to decide, because it was not Caspar on the other side of the door, but Nadia. She looked anxious and unsure of herself, something Lou had never seen before. Lou opened her door wider without a word, allowing Nadia to slide in around her. Nadia immediately plopped down on Lou's bed, whilst Lou cautiously walked in front of her, her eyebrows drawn in confusion.

"Everything okay?" Lou questioned. She had intended to ask softly, but it did not come out that way. Being soft was never her speciality.

"No." Nadia didn't even try to lie, though she knew that would be the socially acceptable response. She was staring at her hands in her lap, biting down on her lip. "Do you hate me, Lou?"

"What?" Lou sputtered, reeling back slightly. She had not expected that. When Nadia looked up at her, her eyes were shining, so she regained her composure. "No, Nads, I don't." The nickname felt weird on her tongue, because it wasn't one she had ever used before, but it felt necessary in the moment.

"It's just... I know we never were as close as the others, but I wanted you to know I've always really, I don't know, admired you?" Nadia looked into her eyes.

"Admired me?" Lou sputtered, feeling off balance. If she were being honest, she didn't exactly like Nadia, but the more that she was honest with herself, the more she wondered if that was just jealousy. Nadia got the internship, the job overseas, the winning smile, and the life free of disaster. At least, that's how it seemed to Lou. Hearing that Nadia admired her made no sense, because she was coming to terms with the fact that not only was her life an uncontrollable mess, but she was, too.

"Yeah." Nadia nodded, a weak smile on her lips. "You've always been so smart, Lou. Not in the old-Marc showoff way, or in the Ophelia secret way, just in the you way. You never even played into my competitions with it, which I always thought was so fucking cool. Like, you didn't even need to compete with me, to prove anything, because you already knew."

Lou stared at her, wide-eyed and shocked. Perhaps she had been a better actress than she thought, because in her mind, she was always comparing her achievements to Nadia's. Ophelia's too, even. Had they really not seen it? Was she truly such a tangled mystery to all of her friends?

"I don't know what to say, Nadia." Lou spoke quietly, truthfully. She thought that perhaps she should start doing that more often.

"You don't have to say anything." Nadia shrugged, some of her nerves and anxiety sliding away. "I don't expect us to ever be best friends, just with everything that's happened these last couple of months, I thought you should know. And to know that I'm here for you, you know?"

Lou almost snorted, but held herself back. She couldn't get herself to open up to Caspar or Amory, so she certainly wouldn't be able to do so with Nadia. Nadia realized this, giving a small nod of resignation, before looking around the hotel room briefly.