𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐘 → original

twenty five

On New Years Day, they all took a trip to Lake Powell. Vallie said she knew a spot that shouldn't be too crowded, but she wore large sunglasses and kept her head down anyways. She told them that with her dyed hair, contacts, and glasses, she had never been recognized, but she still seemed fearful of being out specifically with them.

Vallie drove her car with Juliet, Ophelia, and Marc. Amory drove his rental with Caspar, Lou, and Nadia. Vallie's car ride involved a lot of baby shark and laughing between the passengers, whilst Amory's car ride was mostly silent. The night prior had been a shock to their nervous systems, effectively wiping their brains clean and making it nearly impossible to piece together coherent thoughts.

The night before, Caspar and Lou had stolen themselves away, because Vallie was right; Lou was going to put herself first. Even if they were angry or sad or hurt or confused, they were going to choose each other, and keep choosing each other, and that was going to start with a chaste kiss as the clock struck midnight. Through Hell or high water, they would no longer run.

The two cars pulled into a state park and parked their cars, then Vallie guided them to a trail. Juliet was fastened in a baby sling around Vallie's front, bundled tightly with a hat on her ears. It was a surprisingly warm day for January, in the mid 60s without a cloud in the sky. Still, they wore their jackets, and they hiked in near silence.

Eventually, they made it to the lake. It stuck out almost like a mirage, serene blue-green waters surrounded by nothing but sand and dirt. It was stunning, and it felt like it was all theirs. Vallie laid out a blanket and took a seat, worrying herself with Juliet, while the others gaped at the view. Marc sat down the cooler they had brought beside Vallie then began making his way towards the water, the others quickly in tow.

It was far too cold to swim, of course, but that did not mean they could not marvel at the beauty of it all. Lou even found herself smiling, something that felt foreign on her lips after months of a set look of indifference.

It was not windy, and thus the waves were not wild. The water almost looked peaceful, despite its power to overtake. On another day, the waves might crash against the shore and pull boats under and roar with their intensity, but today they were calm. Today, there was peace.

The group spent the afternoon there, switching between quietly talking and laughing and chasing each other about. Vallie sat back through it all, watching the people who once were closest to her live as people she no longer knew. People she no longer had a right to.

Lou and Caspar ended up trailing away from the others, walking silently along the shoreline. Lou reached for Caspar's hand and intertwined their fingers, and Caspar could only smile to himself in response. When they got a good distance away, they paused and breathed it all in. Caspar kneeled down and picked up a stone, his right hand still tangled in Lou's, and tossed the rock into the water. It did not skip the way he had hoped, probably because he was not used to doing so with his left hand, but he didn't mind.

Lou skipped a stone next, with much more success than Caspar, then smiled up at him widely. The sun was high in the sky behind him, framing him like a halo. She couldn't help but think that he was beautiful, and warm, and right. A few months ago, that may have scared her, she may have thought that she was unworthy of something so good. Now, though, she knew he wanted her, and she'd be foolish to think Caspar didn't know what was best for himself.

"When we leave here," Caspar breathed out after a moment, feeling somewhat anxious. The last time he asked this question, he had not gotten the response he had hoped for. "What's next?"

"Well," Lou paused, squinting up at him. "I'll still be going back to Portland, and you'll still be going back to Pittsburgh. So, what do you want to happen next?"