Oneshot dump

Knock, knock! It's dysphoria! || Trans!Adam AU (Mandela Catalogue)

(A/N: This is a story coming from a guy who had atleast 1-2 dysphoria days. Before y'all say some things like "how are they able to move around in the bathroom like that?? Isn't it cramped??", no it isn't. Some ppl's bathrooms aren't as small as a prison cell, Barbara 😒)

⚠️!!TW!! ⚠️

Mentions of misgendering
Dysphoria & Dysmorphia
Slight inaccuracy about how dysphoria and dysmorphia feel
Homomsmexuals /j
(I was kidding about the last bit. You can take their relationship here in any way but pls make sure to acknowledge that Alex doesn't want us to ship the characters. They're just friends who support each other in this one.)

<ו~ADAM'S POV~•×>

This week's been... How do I say this? Very unpleasant, to say the least. I've been getting another one of those 'dysphoria days' and I really don't like it. Everything feels so uncomfortable for me. Couple of days ago, I just overheard some dickhead say that I almost sounded like a girl and looked like a tall one when me and Jonah were out buying groceries. It kinda went downhill from there.

All the times I kept staring at myself from the mirror made me feel gross. I looked so... Feminine. And I hated that. I couldn't even move my own body when lying down without feeling my own chest. That's why I've desperately trying to save money these last few years. To get a top surgery. I've been wearing my binder since I was 16 and we still didn't have that much money for my surgery which sucked a lot. It was also pretty expensive to get one. I didn't want to tell Jonah about my situation at the moment. I didn't want to make him worry.

I would wear my binder right now but the problem is that I already wore it the whole day yesterday because I wanted the feeling to atleast leave me for one day and my ribs fucking hurt. So, I had to use an oversized sweater and weighted blankets. That could hide them.

I was sitting in bed and I heard a knock on my door. "Come in."

Jonah opened the door and said, "Hey, uh, you've been in bed the whole day. Everything alright?"

Oh, yeah. I stayed in my bedroom the entire week. I only went downstairs to eat and that was all. I've always been in bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired," I said, trying to make my voice a little deeper than usual. I hoped he didn't notice it.

"You sure? You're voice is a bit... I dunno. You sound kinda sick."

Fucking hell...

"Jonah, I'm fine. I'm alright. Okay? I just need some space," I snapped at him. He looked concerned for me but just shrugged and said, "Well, alright. If you need anything, I'll be downstairs."

He left the room. I groaned and put my hands on my face. Goddamn it, Jonah... Why'd you have to bring it up? Well, he doesn't know about it so I couldn't blame him. Yet again, I felt out of place. This wasn't enough. I lied down on my back and tried to stay still. Maybe if I don't move, or even breathe a bit, this would be gone. I held my breath and focused on the ceiling.

Surprise surprise, I couldn't hold my breath that long.

I got frustrated and ended up throwing the pillow on the wall. Nothing was helping at all... This sucked. ALL OF THIS sucked...

The way my voice sounds, the way my body looks, the way my face looks... It was all just so wrong...

I got up from my bed and went to pick up the pillow, stumbling a bit. I tried to ignore how it felt when I moved. I picked up the pillow when something caught my eye; scissors.