Mixed Tape: Regulus' Story

Chapter 1: I Have a Dream

Chapter specific content warnings: Physical and emotional child abuse.

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to become a Death Eater. It wasn't for any true political reason, I was very young after all. It was, however, for a very selfish reason: I wanted to be the best. I wanted to be the next king and treated the same way Lord Voldemort was when we ate at Malfoy Manor. I wanted to be bowed to and revered by my followers.

I think my deep desire for recognition comes from being the younger sibling. I wasn't born the heir of the House of Black, Sirius was, and no matter what I did, he still came first when we were younger. He was the one who got presented to noble families before me, he was the one who was attended to by my parents more frequently.

Luckily for me I suppose, he turned out to have one very drastic flaw as a child, he cared too much. He would cry if he saw someone get hurt, he would yell if someone got angry with him, he would spend his time imagining little stories with his imaginary friends and then get upset when he got reprimanded for it. And not only that, but he was terrible at listening and sitting still. We had multiple tutors quit because of him and his energy, as they put it.

I don't think he'd ever admit it, but he wanted to be a Death Eater too at one point, he simply realized that he wasn't cut out for the job once he started getting punished for his behaviour and decided he hated everyone.

I, on the other hand, watched him get punished and knew I didn't want to be like him. I could be better if I tried.

And I did.

When he refused to take piano lessons, I asked for them. When he stomped out of our classes, I sat quietly and continued working.

We got along for the most part when we weren't around our family or tutors. When we were very young, we'd play together, then we started reenacting Sirius' little imaginary stories.

He always played the hero and refused to be the villain or the one being saved. It used to annoy me but I got used to it after a while.

Despite my best efforts, I was not free of my parents' wrath. While Sirius was expected to follow the rules to the bare minimum and often wouldn't even do that, I was expected to be utter perfection.

My mother would stand behind me while I practiced and, if I made a mistake, she'd hit my hands until I did it right. Then there was my lisp that I struggled with when I was younger and she quite literally banned me from speaking in front of her until it was fixed by my tutor. I speak properly now, like the posh upper class family I come from wants me to.

I think Sirius got it worse in the end, but I blame him for that. He would step in front of me when my mother went to hit me and take the blow, then he'd get an extra one just for being there. If he wasn't so intent on being good, he would have been fine.

But it all only got worse as we got older.

He left for Hogwarts and, of course, got sorted into Gryffindor and grew out his hair. The fit my mother threw when she saw him for the Christmas holidays was one of her worst. She ended up cursing him to sit in a chair so she could trim his hair. It left him with a terribly uneven fringe and ragged pieces hanging around his face. We spent the night sat in my room, trying to even it out again, but he hardly spoke. Of course, he came back in the summer with it long again, but I was prepared this time, he was still my brother after all. So, when my mother started threatening to curse him again, I pulled him into my room and showed him the pins I'd gotten so he could please her by pinning it out of his face. We were both terrible at doing his hair, but we figured out how to make the pins stay and mother wasn't happy, but she didn't forcefully cut it again after that.