Bake-Off: Cupids Bakery

3. Fruitcake

The master plan. The ultimate revenge. Prue getting kicked off and Mary coming back. It's the final day of filming bakeoff, which is just us filming voiceovers and random reshoots of dull scenes, but today it won't be dull. I have already planted the trap for Prue.

Usually, on this day, I and Prue bake something for our director to thank them, which was originally a tradition I and Mary did, but Prue wanted to seem like a "better person" so she does it. But today will go down in history.

"So Paul, What are you making?" Prue asked as if she cared.

"A trifle," I reply blandly, unlike my food.

"Wow, basic." She snaps back, "I am in fact making a backboard bacon and cheddar cheese brunch savoury scones with thyme and basil."

"Nice!" I reply.

Skip forward 2 hours, and we were in front of the director, presenting our food.

"Here you are!" I said, "I made you a trifle." I hear Prue snicker under her breath.

The director takes a bite. "Beautiful!" She states

Prue makes a snarky face and hands the director her way-too-long-name-for-a-bloody-scone-which-she-cant-even-pronounce. The director takes a bite. His eyes widen. He falls onto the floor, joking. Prue's biggest fear. Dry food.

Now you may be wondering, how did I ruin Prue's food? Her recipe required bacon, Cheese, Thyme, Basil, and salt for her scones so all I needed to do was a little switcheroo. Bacon was swapped with vegan bacon, which has so many added ingredients, already sabotaging her meal. The cheese was really just butter but Prue was too drunk to notice, and for the herbs, I just got some grass from our field. Oh, and I sabotaged her tap so only salt water would come out for her actual scones.

The director struggles for words. "Prue... (cough cough) your.... (cough cough cough) FIRED!!!" which then leads to a massive coughing fit.

Prue stamps her feet, "WHAT WOULD BE WRONG WITH MY PERFECT BACKBOARD BACON AND CHEDDAR CHEESE BRUNCH SAVOURY SCONES!!!" she takes a bite out of her scone. "...dry..." She murmurs before fainting.

I quickly swipe the director's keys to his office and change the name from Prue to Mary Berry on the host list. Prue Leith is out.