The Outside

One: Forbidden Future

Warning! This chapter contains mentions of suicide and abuse.

...

Seven Years Later

I lay in the field lost in my dreams.

As the grass brushed my arms and the sun heated my face, I opened my eyes. Blinking a few times and squinting to adjust to the sunlight, I slowly sat up.

Opening my eyes fully, I glanced around me and found the long grass dotted here and there with flowers. I stretched my body across the grass to grab my coat. When I reached for it, I caught a glimpse of the mark on my hand.

Six eyes, three on each side, connected by a curved line that connected into two diamond shapes at the bottom.

Once I grabbed my coat and fell back into the place I was sleeping just before, I looked at the pink mark. Father had refused to tell me what it meant, no matter how many times I pleaded for an answer. My brows furrowed as I continued to stare at it, thinking why I had it.

I heard a bird call out and raised my eyes, looking up only to see the flock of colorful birds flying freely. I wish I could fly like those birds. Then I would be free as well.

Even after the birds had flown past, I continued to gaze mindlessly at the sky. There was peace. All was calm. In those few breif moments of clarity, I wasn't thinking. I wasn't worrying. I was just there. A small being that plays a small part in such a big story. But no matter how small that part may be, it's still mine.

Letting out a long and deep breath, I propped myself up on my elbows. The dirt dug into my skin as I snatched my coat that lay just beside me again. I then flipped myself over onto my stomach and got on my knees.

After brushing the dirt off my arms and putting on my coat, I stood and picked off any stray pieces of grass or flower petals that got on my clothes.

As I started toward home, a thought crossed my mind, but I immediately dismissed it. It was ridiculous. I could never. If father ever found out, he'd kill me.

I couldn't leave. Not now.

I continued to deliberate this idea in my head the whole walk, at least until I saw a dandelion sprouting from a small patch of grass in this desert. That's why I always went as close to the border as possible; to lay in the fields, instead of the sand and course dirt.

After taking a quick look around, I closed my eyes and gently blew on the dandelion once I made a wish.

I stood there and watched the seeds fly through the wind in the direction of Ylisse. When they were finally just barley visible spects in the distance, I sighed and continued to walk home, my head hanging low.

When I reached the front step, I rested my hand on the door handle. Taking a deep breath, bracing myself for the inevitable, I opened the large wooden door. Despite my efforts to be as quiet as humanly possible, the stupid door just had to creak. Gods help me.

I glanced around really quick before I bolted up the stairs, which were luckily just by the door. I knew he probably heard my feet bounding upstairs, but I didn't care. I wasn't in the mood for an argument right now. When I reached the top of the stairs, I took the sharp right turn to my bedroom and locked the door behind me.

Putting my ear against the door, I made sure he didn't hear me. Even though he probably did, I figured I might as well at least check. I leaned over to turn on the lamp on my desk, then shuffled over to open up the window. I sat on my small bed that was up against the window and picked up a book.

After flipping through the pages for a few minutes, I heard footsteps. I set the book on my nightstand and waited for the knocking. I was nineteen now, I shouldn't be scared of my father. I should be out there, living on my own, making my own choices.

I considered climbing out the window to escape, but then I realized how stupid and pathetic that sounded. Sometimes, I thought about jumping out that window. It's not too high, but high enough. My life wasn't worth anything, and it seemed like the only way to escape this hell.

Just then, my head jerked as I heard the door being unlocked. Shoot. I need to steal that key sometime. He slammed open the weak door and stormed over to where I was sitting on my bed. I didn't move, but looked up at him, praying that there was some confidence or bravery in my eyes.

It didn't matter if there was though, I knew that when he slapped me hard across the face. My head snapped to the side and I didn't bother looking back at him. I could feel my face burning with the bright red mark that must have appeared.

"What the hell were you doing?!" He yelled, grabbing my face in his large hand, forcing me to face him again.

He lowered his head so it was level with mine. "Who do you think you are, stealing from me?" I jerked my head, trying to break free, but his grip was too strong. His fingers dug into my cheeks, making them burn more. It's hard to believe that I won't have bruises by the end of this.

"Answer me!" He said with his teeth clenched, roughly shaking my head.

"Nobody." I replied, my voice betraying me and shaking. I'm not usually one to steal, but I felt I had to today. I took some of father's gold so I could go out and eat some decent food because I didn't have any money of my own, and I wasn't allowed to get a job.

"Right. Now where is it?" He said aggressively, his teeth gritty.

"I-I don't have it."

He sqeezed my face, then stood up and slapped me again. I fell back on my bed, holding my burning cheek. He stormed out of my room and slammed the door.

I must've layed there for at least ten minutes before I finally got up and dragged myself to my small mirror. I bent down and looked into the dirty mirror, seeing my bright red left cheek. I was right, there were small, round bruises all over my face, joining the old ones.

"Damn..." I whispered.

Upon seeing my bruised up face, a tear ran down my dirty cheek. I leaned back and made my way back to my bed, or rather, my open window.

I didn't want to think about what I was doing, I just wanted it to be done. I couldn't sit here and do nothing anymore, but I was also too weak to do anything else. My life had felt like an endless maze that I could never escape from. I figured that if I couldn't escape, then I might as well just end it.

I swung my legs over the windowsill, staring at the sandy patch below me. My mind kept telling me to just do it. That I will be releived when it's over. I took a deep breath, closed my tearful eyes...

And jumped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello!

Well that's the first chapter. If I'm being totally honest, I had no idea where I was going with this chapter, but it's fine.

P.S.
Please don't try to hurt yourself, your life is valued and you are loved.

TTFN