Blank Spaces

01

If anyone asks why I left, I honestly would not know what to say.

Months into moving out, I still can't wrap my head around the idea that I'm really out here. In an unfamiliar city. Alone and lonely.

There's a lot of things going on inside my head. I wish I had a way of pouring them into a bucket just to get it over with.

I'm supposed to forget everything, I know that well. It's just that I can't. I don't know how. That's why I'm still like this.

Even when everybody else went about with their lives, I find myself still not believing what has already happened and what is continuing to happened.

It's hard to believe that everything was just reduced to a single decision.

We broke up, just like that.

I guess that was really just it.

End of story.

And now, we're supposed to go on with our lives and forget everything.

“Kit!”

I stopped on my tracks, napalingon ako nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses na tumawag sa pangalan ko.

“Harem," I called his name when I saw him.

“Done with your classes?” He asked, now keeping up with my pace and walking beside me.

I nodded. “Cancelled 'yung 7pm namin. Ikaw?”

“Same here. Dinner tayo?”

“Sure.”

I often read about how deeply romanticized living in a different city is that when I actually did it, I did not know what to do occasional loneliness that comes with it.

Having someone familiar around kept me sane somehow. Harem kept me sane.

He's a friend I knew since grade school. Nasa iisang klase at friend group kami hanggang senior high. Nauna siyang lumipat at dito nag-college. We barely talked then, minsan lang siya umuwi at busy na rin sa kanya-kanyang buhay – but we remained friends.

Meeting him again in law school is such a blessing, I don't think I will get tired of saying this.

Gano'n ka-helpful ang presensya niya sa akin. It's safe to say that if anything else, I trust him with my life.

Naglakad lang kami papunta sa pinakamalapit na mall sa university namin. We both do not have exact preferences so we just entered the closest restaurant to the entrance. Madali rin kaming naka-order ng makakain.

“When the sem ends, uuwi ka ba?” He asks while we were in the middle of our meal.

Natigilan ako saglit.

Wala akong uuwian, I wanted to answer but he might feel bad.

Umiling ako at magaang ngumiti. “Hindi na siguro, hassle.”

“Nice. Gusto mong sumama sa‘kin?”

I rolled my eyes at him, agad naman siyang natawa.

“Why?”

“Pupunta ka kay Tel, ‘no? Damay mo pa ‘ko.”

“Bakit? She would be happy to see you. Don't you miss her?”

Napailing na lang ako sa kanya. It's so obvious that he's just letting me tag along to have an excuse to go and see her for the nth time this year.

As far as I know, Myrtle, another friend that we grew up with, and him, used to like each other when we were younger. Actually, the two of them were a lot closer to each other than I am and will ever be to either of them.