From the One I Loved

Chapter Fifteen

Nina's POV:

I watch as they lay Alex onto the stretcher. Three paramedics. One giving him CPR, and the other two wheeling him to the ambulance. Mrs. Walker looks at me and I nod to her, sending her off to go and be with Alex.

I jump in my car and start to follow them as they pull off. I just can't believe this happened. I can't believe that I almost lost him. I just got him back and that I almost lost him.

***

When we get to the hospital, they make me stay in the waiting room, but his mom goes back with him. I sit there and I want to cry, but no tears will come out. And I want to feel sad and scared for him, but no emotions pop up.

"Oh my goodness, Nina," A familiar voice gasps out. I look up and to my right to see Beth running through the automatic doors of the hospital. She came over to me.

"Beth," I said. I haven't seen Beth in literally forever, and I have never been so glad to see her, not only because I needed a friend, but also because it has been the first emotion I have felt in the past forty-five minutes I've been here.

We both hug each other, and she holds me in her embrace. "I'm so sorry," she whispers. I don't say anything, I just nod. "Are you okay, though?" she asked. Again, I nodded. She pulled away looking into my eyes. "I don't believe you." Then, like that all the emotion is gone again. I can't tell if it's shock or that I'm going crazy or what.

"I don't know," I finally say, "I guess I'm scared."

"You guess?" she asked. I nodded. "So you're confused?" I nodded.

"Beth, I can't feel...anything," I say.

"Does that mean you're, like, about to pass out or something, or internally?" she asked. I knew she meant it to make me laugh, so I did. It was a fake laugh, and she could tell.

"I just got him back," I say, "I can't lose him again." She watches me speak, then after a moment, she nodded.

"I know," she says, "but he always knew that you still loved him, he didn't give up on you, and even if..." she stopped choosing her words more carefully, "Just be glad, you had those moments."

I nod to her, to reassure her that I'm fine, but, I know I'm not...well at least I think. I sit down and stare at the door that is keeping me from seeing him. I look and wait for someone to come through and say, "Nina Myers, your boyfriend is totally fine." But then I again it can't just be anyone...it has to be him.

He will walk straight through those doors, maybe with an a breathing machine hooked up to him, but it will still be him. He will still be mine and I will still be his. He will be just fine, and so will we.

Only know do I understand one hundred and ten percently the complete hell I put him through. Because I know that I love him with all that I am, but I also know he loves me a billion times more, and I broke his heart, and this is breaking mine.

I see Beth on Instagram out of the corner of my eye. I don't turn my head or try to make conversation, I just wait. I wait for Alex to come and walk out that sliding door and tell me that everything will be alright.

Finally after waiting long enough, Angela and Mrs. Walker come out. "Nina," Angela says. She runs to me and hugs me, jumping into my lap.

"Hi," I said, "How does he look?"

"He has lots of tubes in him, and this beeping thing. The doctor says that it's his heart." I laugh. Children are so naïve, but they make it so cute at the same time.

And then I realize laughter and happiness are emotions. And that maybe Angela would be my connection to him if anything went wrong. She was the most perfect connection I could ask for.

***

I wake up and see that I am now on the couch across from the chairs where I was sitting. Beth is next to me and her head is lying on my shoulder, I could hear her faint snore sounding like breathing with a stuffy nose, so I know she is asleep.

Angela's head is in my lap and her legs and feet are sprawled across Beth. I look around for Mrs. Walker. I don't see her and come to the realization that she is in the hospital room with her unconscious son, also known as the love of my life. Wow.

I want to get up and sneak back to see him, but I'm afraid I'd wake Beth. I know for a fact that I won't wake Angela. That girl has an internal clock. Fast asleep by 7 pm. Wakes up at exactly 11pm every night, then goes right back asleep until 5:45 am.

She has a tighter more organized schedule than me...which is weird. I know this from all the time Alex and I spent babysitting her when I was pregnant. Which made her another one of the best connections. She was like mine and Alex's first child.

I'm sure that even though we would have had a real, child of our own, Angela would always be our "firstborn". She's my little butterfly, because I wouldn't know her without Alex, and he is my butterfly.

I slowly lift Angela's head from my lap and sets it on Beth's chest. I then move her legs vertical from where they were before. Beth starts to move, a lot and I know she's about to wake up.

"Nina," she whispers, "He wanted me to give you something." I look at her. Emotion. Fear, anxiousness, and anticipation.

"What?" I ask, anxiously.

"A letter," she says. Then she groans, "For after he ended the pain." At first it feels like I'd just been stabbed and then the world goes into a blur. I try to focus on Beth, to find out more, but I can't focus...not without Alex. I can't live...not without Alex.