Ritual [H.S]

1.

"Woah, shine your light... 
Woah, set the world on fire. 
Woah, shine tonight... 
Woah, set the world on fire."

30th August 2017
The Past

Feelings of extreme loneliness on any day of the week can sometimes be the worst feeling in the world, but experiencing them on your birthday, well... that was just the worst, right?

These particular feelings can sometimes be tied back to some previous negative experiences that have happened in your life or sometimes they might be caused by your current predicament.

Or even they are because of past trauma.

All I knew was that these feelings of loneliness and sadness have often been termed birthday depression or the "birthday blues" for as long as I could possibly remember.

Ah, birthdays... don't you just love them?

Since as far as I could remember, literally everyone wishes you a happy birthday- everyone from your dentist, your boss, your Facebook friends, literally everyone.

Some people stage elaborate parties, whilst others milk each birthday for all that it's worth.

For others though, birthdays are a source of ambivalence, anxiety and depression- but whether we like it or not, birthdays are completely unavoidable- and since I had been a little girl, I had never been that enthusiastic about celebrating my own birthday.

It wasn't that I hated it, but I just didn't see the need to make a big fuss about it every year- especially as each previous birthday for the last couple of years had been ruined due to circumstances that had nothing to do with me.

So naturally, I kind of zoned out from it all- the 30th of August was just another day for me.

It was never going to be anything special and it never would be.

I guess it didn't make matters any easier as a child as my birthday just so happened to coincide with the end of the busy summer holiday season- so my stress levels and anxiety surrounding it were always sky high.

Even from when I was a small kid.

If I wanted a party as a child, could all of my friends come?

No.

If I wanted an entertainer that could make cute animals out of balloons, could I have it?

No.

If I wanted to take a small group of friends to the local bowling alley and have a McDonalds afterwards as a small treat, could I have it?

No.

Did every family in a 50 mile radius seem to disappear on holiday, which meant all of my classmates would miss my birthday?