Ritual [H.S]

20.

"Somethin' 'bout you... makes me feel like a dangerous woman."

16th October 2021

Present Day

Waking up in New York City is honestly an experience like no other.

I stood quietly for what felt like half an hour, as the sun's first bright rays pierced through the window of the bedroom, most of it now bathing the towering skyscrapers and everything that it touched. 

With hues of orange and pink, everything felt so incredibly cosy and the city beneath me, instantly came to life with a vibrant energy that I had never seen before.

It was both exhilarating and overwhelming, but I somehow knew that even before I opened my eyes this morning and took a look outside, the city that never sleeps had already been buzzing for a few hours. 

The sounds of traffic, honking taxis, and the distant hum of the subway created a unique symphony that had accompanied my awakening this morning- not to mention the racing feeling of my heart deep in my chest, along with the nightmares that had plagued my dreams. 

My nightmares were vivid and distressing, my mind clearly tormented by what had happened between Harry and I yesterday- I mean, the whole thing had unsettled me greatly, because no matter how much I wanted to protect her and warn him off politely, it had come across all wrong.

I didn't want him to think that I was being a bitch, I just wanted him to understand and have some clarity on the situation- my situation, and the relationship I had with Megan. 

I hadn't had nightmares like this in such a long time, mostly because I had managed to push everything into the back of my mind and focus on what was more important- but recently with all the changes, such as myself and Scott, then finding out about Megan and Harry, what this could possibly mean for Mason, I found myself wondering if these were the reasons why I'd had another unsettling nightmare- which I also knew could have a significant impact on my overall well-being and mental state.

The anxiety I felt towards Megan and Mason, wasn't their fault at all, and my feelings regarding the situation could vary in content- I had always counted myself as the one who had to be strong to get her through it, but when it came to it, who was there for me?

Who was going to be strong for me in my times of need? 

It sounded incredibly selfish, but I also knew that deep in my heart, that Megan would literally drop everything at a hat for me, but at the same time I didn't want her too- not when she had so much of her own stuff going on. 

Granted, she wasn't a delicate little flower, but, she had already been through enough and she didn't need me putting even more on her plate- it was my job to take care and look after her, especially as she had done everything for everyone else ever since I could remember.