The One I Knew Before

Please Be Joking.

"Ace..come to the living room please" I hear my mom say.
I get up off my bed and go over to my living room.
"Yes mom?" I say looking confused.
"Iris died yesterday, she killed herself" My mom says with tears forming in her eyes.
"W-What? You're joking. This is all a sick joke huh?" I say as tears pool down my face.
"I'm so sorry honey" She says as she starts crying.
My girlfriend, the love of my life, is now dead. I had nothing to look forward to see at school anymore. It felt like my whole world had gone dark. I couldn't think straight. I ran back to my room and jumped on my bed, burying my head into my pillow screaming and crying. This all didn't feel real. I needed a distraction. I wiped my tears and grabbed my phone. When I opened messages I saw Iris's contact and felt tears forming again. I blink them away and go to Caleb's messages.

(Hey, wanna come over?)

[Sure]

Few minutes later I hear my doorbell ring. Then my bedroom door opens.
"Your mom let me in" Caleb says.
"Alright." I say softly.
"What's wrong dude?" He asks.
"Iris killed herself." I say looking away.
"She did..? I'm so sorry dude" He says climbing on my bed and putting an arm around me.
Then I hear a knock at my door.
"Come in" I say.
My mom comes in with paper in her hand.
"Iris's parents came and dropped off a note Iris left you before she died, her parents also invited us to her funeral and asked if you'd like to speak in it" She says.
It took me a while to think. Would I want to speak at my own girlfriend's funeral? I would break down in front of tons of people I don't know. But I love her so I'll do it.
"I'll speak at her funeral" I say.
My mom places the note from Iris on my dresser.
"Have fun you two" She says before leaving.
I'll try.

It was super hard trying to get my mind off of Iris. Everything seemed to remind me of her.  I looked over to my bedside table while Caleb talked about a game. I noticed a bracelet that Iris had given me for Christmas. I had never worn it. Shit. The guilt runs through my body. My heart is aching. Tears are forming.
"Caleb I think you should leave" I say, my voice shaking.
He looks a bit annoyed but gets up and leaves anyway.
I'm stuck in my room. Alone. Crying. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face into my knees. It was already so hard without her. I hear my mom call for dinner but I didn't bother to leave my room. I hear a knock at my door.
"Mom I don't want dinne-" I get cut off by my little brother walking in.
"It's me" He says "You're not having dinner?" He asks.
"I'm just not hungry" I say wiping tears off my cheeks.
"You know you don't have to act tough about this, mom told me everything" He says, saying the last words softly.
"That's great" I say sarcastically "Can you leave?"
He rolls his eyes and leaves the room.
I look back at the bracelet on my bed side table. I immediately grab it and slip it on my wrist. I felt a bit better but not good. I'm so tired. With tears still pouring down my face, I manage to fall asleep.

(In A Dream)

"Ace! Ace!" I hear someone calling my name.
I open my eyes to see Iris staring down at me.
"Oh Ace you're okay!" She says wrapping me in a hug.
I hug her back.
"Aww You're wearing the bracelet I got you" She smiles which warms me up inside.
I try to speak but nothing comes out.
"Do you have nothing to say..?" She says sounding sad.
I try to speak. I scream. I try to tell her I am here. I am listening.
Iris starts crying. I try to move forward to hug her but my body won't move.
"Ace I-I thought y-you'd always be there f-for me" She says choking on her tears.
I can't move, I can't speak. My heart is aching like never before. My head is spinning. Iris falls to her knees crying even more now. Then appears a knife. It appears in her hands. It's pointed straight at her. I keep trying to move while she held it. I keep trying to scream. Then the knife goes through her.

"NO NO PLEASE TAKE ME BACK" I cry "I CAN SAVE HER PLEASE".
"Ace what's wrong" My mother says as she runs into my room.
"It was a nightmare about Iris, I saw everything" I say with the tears now drying up.
"Oh honey it'll be alright, now come get breakfast"
She walks out of my room.
I get up and get some clothes to wear. I look over to a side of my closet with sweaters. Iris always told me she wanted one of my sweaters but I had never given her one. The guilt comes back but I get my mind off of it when I grab my clothes for the day. I grab a grey long sleeve shirt and some dark blue shorts. I slip them on then I go get breakfast.

(After Breakfast) Monday

I quickly brush my teeth and by the time I'm done the bus is here. I quickly put on my jacket and grab my bag and leave the house. I see Caleb and I give him a wave. He gives me a slight one back. We get on the bus and Caleb and I sit together. We just play games on our phone till I look up and see we are at school already. I feel my heart start to ache again. This day is going to be so hard.