The One I Knew Before

The Grueling School Days.

As we walk to class, I start to look for Iris. Then I remember what happened. Tears are forming again but then Caleb starts rambling on about something and it takes my mind off of the situation. I walk into class to see a new seating plan. I Stare at it and see that Iris, Caleb and I were all seated next to each other. My heart stings again. I quickly look away from the board and find my spot.
"Let's go we're sitting next to each other again!" Caleb exclaims.
"Yayyy.." I say softly waving my hands up.
I look towards Mae, Iris's friend, running towards me.
"Is Iris coming today?" She asks.
My heart starts hurting and my head starts spinning. My breath gets faster and my heart is pounding. I look at her, panicking then I get up and run into the bathroom slamming the stall door behind me. I push my back against the door of the bathroom, trying to slow my breath. The tears come flooding out.
"This isn't fair, this isn't fair, why does this have to happen to me?" I start talking to myself.
I turn around and kick the stall door.
"WHY, WHY, WHY." I scream.
I sit on the toilet and just break down.
"I miss you Iris, please come back" I say through my tears.
I hear a knock on the door.
"Ace? Is everything alright?"
It's my teacher.
"No everything is not alright" I say still through tears.
"Alright, I'll get the counsellor" She says.
I hear her walk away. Shit now I have to talk to a counsellor.
I hear a knock again.
"Ace, it's the counsellor" I hear her say.
The tears are flowing faster. My heart is racing. I can't think straight.

(After the talk with the counsellor)

I got sent home because they think I can't handle being at school right now. My mom says that I still need to go and that it's hard but I have to get over it. How can I get over it when someone I used to see everyday is not there anymore.  When I got home I went straight to my room and lied in my bed. I scrolled through my phone to see all the photos of Iris I had. Maybe I can make a slideshow for her funeral. Oh shit. I need to make my speech for her. It needs to be perfect. I spent most of my day perfecting my speech for her. She deserves it. I made a perfect speech by the time I had to go to bed. I went to sleep with happy tears instead of sad ones, knowing that my speech was perfect for her.

(The Next Morning) Tuesday

Shit another day getting reminded that I couldn't help my girlfriend. I'm on the bus already. Caleb and I are barely talking. After yesterday a lot of people reached out. I didn't tell them anything. I try to keep my mind off her but it's hard. We get to school and I make my way to class. When I sit down the teacher comes over and says sorry for my loss. The counsellor told her and I just got another reminder.
"You can step out whenever you need too" She says.
I feel my heart sting so I get up and leave the room. I sit down under the class window and cry, pulling my knees to my chest and burying my face in my knees. It's so hard without her. If she was here right now she'd be hugging me, kissing me, telling me everything would be alright. And I would believe her. Everything is alright when she is here. Now I have nothing. No hangouts, no hugs, no kisses, no cute name calling, no annoying her anymore, no teasing, no nothing. I could've saved her.
I hear the ear piercing bell. I get up and quickly wipe my tears and clean my fogged up glasses. Caleb comes out and dabs me up. I still feel down and my heart still hurts just a little bit. We walk to the doors that lead outside when his friend Cory came up to us. I hate Cory. Iris knew all about it. Caleb and Cory start talking then they leave me alone. I have no one else. Usually when this happened I'd hang out with Iris but she's dead now. I just start walking around outside. I give up and sit down against a fence. Nothing is going my way. My world is crumbling. I take off my glasses as I feel tears spring into my eyes again. As I'm about to cry I hear a voice.
"Hey Ace do you want to play man tracker with Cory and I?"
It's Caleb.
"Sure" I said.
Maybe this will get my mind off of things.
We spent 10 minutes playing man tracker before the bell rang to go inside.
Once we get inside the teacher starts teaching and I kind of forget about the situation. Until I get home. I came home and it seemed like I'd forgotten something. I used to get a hug or a kiss goodbye before I left school from Iris. Shit. I feel a breakdown coming.