Black and Blue Ivy

Falling Harder

Bentley was more subdued during the remainder of the afternoon. We had tea and sandwiches in the library, this time served by Cook and not grumpy old Mrs. Roche, which was fine by me. But when Bentley asked her if Gardenia would be joining us, Cook told us Gardenia wasn't feeling well and was spending the day in her room, the worried downturn of Bentley's mouth concerned me. I was even more concerned when he abruptly excused himself and went to check on Gardenia leaving his teacup half full. I sat on the divan, hypnotized by each ticktock of the clock, feeling uncomfortable because I was still wearing the ill-fitting riding habit. I sipped the Earl Gray tea and nibbled on the ham sandwich. I had been famished just moments before, but now the food tasted like sandpaper.

I watched the interminable advance of the clocks' hands for ten minutes before Bentley strolled back into the room.

I sat up straight. "Is Gardenia okay? "

He brushed away my concern with a wave of his hand and dropped into the the damask armchair across from me. He crossed his leg over the other and poured more tea for us. "She'll be alright. She's just taking a nap. I think the new baby is tiring her out."

I returned to my sandwich, thinking it was not like she had given birth or anything. But what did I know about babies? All I knew was that my first riding lesson with Bentley was the most fun I had had in a long time. It reminded me of hanging out at the skate park with Clem and the other crust punks. Something about focusing on a physical challenge and breathing fresh air made all other concerns vanish. I watched as Bentley polished off another sandwich—his appetite didn't seem to be affected by his fears for Gardenia—and hoped he hadn't forgotten about our music lesson.

I was about to ask him what type of music we'd be studying when he rose suddenly and strode over to the bookshelves. "Here's what I was looking for." He pulled a few books from the shelves, some old, some new, some thick, some thin.

"What's that?"

Didn't I have enough to read?

I hoisted myself from the velvet cushions and joined him at the bookshelf, standing on tiptoe to check out his selections.

"These are all instruction manuals on the equestrian arts."

"Oh," I said, somewhat disappointed. Riding felt natural to me and not requiring tons of book learning. But again, what did I know?

He followed his curiosity to the next set of shelves. Then, seeing something tugging at his interest from a high shelf, he retrieved the ladder from the corner and slid it absently across the shelves.

I eyed the ladder. "Hey, that looks like fun."

"It's not a toy," he said with a chuckle.

"I know."

"All right, little girl. You can climb it."

Heat rose in my cheeks. I hated when he called me that.

"I was trying to reach that big book up there with the navy leather cover embossed in gold. See it?"

"Yes." The book was so big it was lying sideways on the shelf. "What is it?"

"Climb up and see."

"All right." Humiliation still stinging my cheeks, I bravely stepped on the first rung. He gripped the sides of the ladder as I began to climb.

"Don't fall," he said, shifting the ladder side to side on its tracks.

I yelped and held tightly to the rungs.

"Not afraid of heights, are you?"

"No, but I'm afraid of dumbasses," I said, climbing two more rungs to meet the high shelf where the book awaited. I wondered what it was. Another book about horses?