This is it

Chapter 8

Kotallo's hand twitched with growing desire to choke the life out of Erend. The way he talked about Aloy, his open adoration and infinite praise for her, made him furious. How wonderful she was, how kind, how strong, but most of all - how beautiful. Had he noticed her lips? Her shapely legs and toned arms? Nothing compared to Aloy, not even Oseram women. Though he didn't know many Tenakth women, war maidens they all were surely, and how would Aloy compare to them?

Kotallo was becoming more enraged by the minute, but didn't want to let it show, so he chose to answer with non-committal grunts, focusing on the game before him instead. He didn't like Strike much, but there was little else to do just yet.

Earlier, Zo had given him his Focus and it had scared the living day lights out of him. Suddenly he saw the world in a whole new light. Too much to take in all at once, so he'd taken a break from it and it was getting late anyway. Tomorrow was another day.

He'd been glad though to have something distract him from thoughts of Aloy, which now returned, because Erend wouldn't shut up about her. He gulped down half a tankard of ale, lost the game on purpose, then said he needed a piss.

Zo was finishing up for the night as well, so he bid her good night, and she bade him sweet dreams and fulfillment of his wishes, then gave him a warm smile, which, if he wasn't mistaken, was - full of compassion? Or was it pity? Did she know something? He was drunk, he concluded.

Not wanting to return to Erend and more drinking and talk of Aloy, he opted to shower, and bed. He blew out the candle by his quarters, signaling that he was asleep and not wished to be disturbed. He lay there in the dark, recounted the last couple of hours. After she had returned from wherever she had been, she hadn't left her room. He knew she was angry with him. Zo also hadn't volunteered any information, though was happy to help with whatever he needed. She seemed to be a good friend.

Should he go seek Aloy out? Just walk into her room, kiss her and take her there on the spot? Really, dude? That's your plan? Taking advantage of her, after you so expertly dismissed her? He had dismissed her, hadn't he? Brushed her off like dirt off his boot. Shit. He had.

While he had hauled that boar up the mountain, 'atoning', the fog in his mind had cleared. Slowly and with lots of self back-talk. But it had cleared. Of course, yes, he was a one-armed man, but that didn't mean he lacked anything. Besides five fingers and another arm to wrap around her. He rolled his eyes and covered them with his good arm.

He needed to talk to her. Explain. Apologize. He wanted to see her. Touch her, tell her. Everything. But what if she'd reject him? What if she pushed him away? Had he fucked it up already? He decided he needed to try. He'd live. Regardless of the outcome.

He waited until he heard Erend go about his bedtime routine, muttering to himself all the while, then eventually hitting the sack, tossing and turning, then finally snoring. He got out of bed.

It was fairly dark in the pit. As usual a few candles were kept lit per the lack of outside light. He'd donned a thin shirt and comfortable pants. This place wasn't exactly toasty. Kotallo didn't think he'd run into Aloy again by chance, so he opted to simply knock on her door. Which he did. And waited. Nothing happened. He knocked again. Still nothing. He carefully pushed the door open. Her room was empty.

"Fuck..." he muttered. Where was she? What was he supposed to do now? Where could she be? He quietly went to check the bathroom. Nothing.

He checked the labs surrounding the center pit. Again - nothing. When he passed Zo and Varl's room, he heard Zo talking in a low voice. Summoning this other kind of courage, he wasn't quite familiar with yet, he decided to knock. Zo broke off speaking, opened the door. "Kotallo, hi," she said pleasantly. "Everything ok?"