This is it

Chapter 7

It was getting dark when Aloy entered the Base. She had been searching for Kotallo since mid-day, no luck. She felt sick with worry, angry with him for leaving, for not saying anything, for taking advantage of her. Had none of it meant anything to him? Her mood was bordering on livid, when the second set of double doors slid open to reveal cheerful chatter and the scent of ale and bubbling stew assaulted her olfactory sense. Did she smell blood, too?

Ready to explode, she shouted, "What the hell is going on here?"

They all turned in surprise. Zo, Erend and – Kotallo to boot! What the fuck?

"Aloy!" Erend called happily. "Look what Kotallo brought back!" He spread out both arms like a child presenting a new toy, revealing a half-skinned boar on the workbench, blood dripping onto rags on the floor.

"You've been gone a long time," Zo said unhelpfully, which only agitated her more. Yeah, I've been out looking for HIM all day! she wanted to yell but didn't.

Kotallo had only looked at her fleetingly, then turned back to the work at hand. Ice formed in her stomach. She thought she might have to vomit. She turned on her heels, headed for the bathroom. Her breaths came shallow, sweat suddenly pouring, as she knelt on the floor in front of the toilet. Hot tears started rolling down her cheeks, which she angrily brushed away. How could she have been so stupid? Why was her heart such an idiot? Hadn't Rost taught her better? Never to trust anyone? Memories of Rost broke her and she sobbed. She sat there a long time, ugly crying, missing home, resenting what her world was coming to, this windowless Base, the mission she was fated with. "Fuck..." she whispered and wiped her face. Her stomach still cramping, though not feeling ill anymore after crying, she left that toilet stall, washed her face and groaned when she saw her reflection in the mirror. Blotchy all over, red tear-swollen eyes, flushed cheeks. Great!

Acting as if nothing was amiss, she casually walked past the pit to her room where Zo waited for her.

Aloy sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Spit it out," demanded Zo.

"Forget it." Aloy retorted in a small voice. "It's nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing."

"Well, it is. As you can clearly see. It's nothing." She sniffed and busied herself putting away her gear and changing into something comfortable. After a minute she said, "I was wrong, I thought it was something, but it wasn't. Ok?"

Zo's voice became even softer than usual, which immediately brought on fresh tears. "I'm not clear on what is actually something or nothing. Is it Kotallo?"

Aloys face contorted into a wrinkled mess, tears streaming. "Shit Zo," she sobbed and crumpled into a heap on the floor.

"Shit..." agreed Zo, sat down by her side and took Aloy into a warm embrace. For a long time, Aloy cried, and Zo stroked her hair, making soothing noises. "Does he know?" she asked eventually.

"Know about what?"

"Your feelings for him."

"I'm only coming to terms with them myself..."

"What's the problem then? Just wait and see if something will develop."

"Something has developed," Aloy said desperately.

"Oh..." Zo's eyes grew wide. "Like?"

"Like everything," Aloy grabbed a tissue and noisily blew her nose. "Only the greatest sex ever! The deepest connection I've ever felt! I never wanted to let go..." she began sobbing again, burying her face in a wad of tissues.

"Oh..." Zo repeated. "Oh my... when did that happen?"

Aloy lifted her head, looked at her friend with slight embarrassment and sighed. "Last night."

"Last night?"

"Yeah... I bummed into him when I came in and he... he was only in his underwear... and I... I... I couldn't resist. I had no power. I was completely defenseless. Nothing! Nada." Waving her arms, she broke off, blew her nose again. "He was like a magnet. WE were like magnets. A pull like I've never felt before. Like this is where I belong, with him!" Her shoulders heaved, "at least that's what I thought." More crying. "Magnets you can never pull apart." She held her forehead with both hands. "And now, he acts like he doesn't fucking know me!" Another sob, but only for a second, then she said, "he felt the same way, Zo! He felt the same way!! I know this! What the fuck is wrong with him? Why is he ignoring me now? What did I do?"

Zo stroked her back gently, pulled her in for another comforting protective embrace. She didn't say anything for a while, gave Aloy time to calm herself, then offered, "He's a broken man."

"I know!" answered Aloy angrily. "I didn't do anything to make him feel that way, though."

"I don't think you would have to. His wounds are still fresh. Literally."

"I know..." She sat up, wiping her eyes. "I don't know what to do."

"Talk to him."

"Ha!" Aloy mocked. "How? He's avoiding me."

"He'll come around... I'm sure."

"How can you be sure?"

"I don't know... I just have a feeling like that. Underneath all that toughness, that rock-hard shell, he's quite gentle."

A shiver ran down Aloy's spine, "I know..." she said, smiling, remembering.

They sat for a little while longer, until Aloy had calmed down. When they heard Erend wreak havoc in the kitchen, Zo sighed and said, "are you going to join us for dinner?"

"I think I'll stay here."

"Alright." She kissed Aloy's temple, stroked her hair out of her face like a mother would do, rose and turned at the door, "I'll bring you some stew later."

"Ok."