i'm so into you

11

—
jisung knocked on the door lightly, rubbing his arm nervously. he knew he needed to confront minho one day or another. after finding out about his small addiction to narcotics and such, he didn't know the right words to say, especially to someone kinda close to him. and after sitting in his room debating what to say, the moment minho unlocked his door and opened it, he felt a sudden rush of anxiety.

"o-oh. hey jisung. i didn't know you wanted to see me," he said, crossing his arms and rubbing his neck shyly. jisungs heart felt like it was pumping against his stomach, feeling a bit sick.

"hey minho. i'm sorry i yelled and got mad at you. i hope you know i don't think of you any different," he said lowering his eye contact to the ground. he felt scared and utterly just shy. it wasn't what he truly felt but he didn't know what else to say.

"sung." he asked but more like demanded, as if he was reading his mind all along.

"yeah?" he muttered.

"please don't apologize for things you didn't do to make me feel better. i am a failure and will forever be one. i took a path that i can't go back on and i have to live through this as far as i can.." he paused, his eyes brimming with tears.

"and i don't think we should keep talking, unless you want to be hurt worse than you already are." he finished. a tear hitting his cheek as he stared down to the wooden patio. jisung could feel his heart break as the words 'i don't think we should keep talking'. all he wanted was to talk to him. about his day and his anime, and his answer to the questions he asks. he never wants to stop talking to him. jisungs hand made it's way toward minhos cheek, wiping the tear with his finger. minho looked up from his touch, feeling his eyes getting heavier.

"i've been meaning to tell you this minho-ssi~ but since we're here now, even though i'm mad at you, i need to tell you something no one has maybe said before.."

"you are worth so much more than what you think or what even some others think. but to me, you are worth my life." he travelled his hands to his shoulders and shaky arms.

"i'm here for you. in anything you want or need, i will be there beside you. let me in your life please. if that's what i have to do, i will ask." he slid his hands in minhos softly, rubbing his thumbs across the top of them.

"jisung if i let you in my life, you will be ruined." minho looked up now into his eyes feeling his emotions come crashing as he saw jisungs honest strong eyes.

"i won't let you ruin me minho. you could never ruin me more than i already am. let me instead try being with you through it." he made eye contact with his broken eyes, his hands shaking a little to which jisung firmly slipped his fingers through minhos.

—
"why do you want to help me jisung-ah. i don't get how you care for these small things in life no one will ever pay attention to, but you will always catch it as a detail..." minho said laying his head across jisungs chest, his arm supporting him softly on his hip.

"yeah?" jisung asked leaning his head back feeling a sudden rush of sleepiness.

"can i be honest with you?" he asked rubbing his hands down jisungs bicep slowly. jisung responded with a small hum.

"the reason why i do meth, weed, coke, molly, xanny, all these drugs is because i haven't been able to feel happy in so long and after you continue to use these drugs, you get addicted to that feeling of happiness that you forget what actually makes you happy. it's so hard to feel genuine happiness when i'm long off narcotics and prescribed drugs, it just doesn't feel the same but no matter how hard i try, the feeling will never go away." he nuzzled his face into his arm, closing his eyes and relaxing his muscles.

jisung didn't know how to respond, so he gave him a small rub on his shoulder to signal he was listening, before sliding his hand between his neck and caressing him softly.

he knew what to do but he wasn't going to tell him yet nor anyone else until he has his thoughts clear and organized correctly.

minho fluttered his eyes closed as he felt jisungs relaxing strokes through his hair, leaning into his touch unconsciously. as minho soon fell into a deep sleep, jisung was scrolling through his phone, thinking of the possible idea to help his best friend. he pulled out the familiar pomegranate cart from his pocket and took a drag of it, inhaling it all in his lungs. after a couple seconds of holding it in, he exhaled, feeling the dense and sour feeling in his throat and mouth. he felt the coughing feeling suppress, feeling his breath stager lightly.

in times like these, jisung thought, he wished he would have never met minho. he remembered how life was before minho and he was more like himself, like this was a part of him he played. he felt the paranoia creep inside him at the running thoughts of his entire friendship with minho. he knew that minho liked him in a way, not in a way he cared about, but does he care about the real jisung.

the answer is: he doesn't know yet. he's been hiding himself from minho for their sake. and if minho was honest, before jisung found out, jisung knew nothing about minho either. but jisung didn't care about whether or not minho was a drug addict, he cared for him none the less. and minho, inside and out, was grateful of it all that jisung is staying with him, taking care of him slowly and showing him the real him.
—
minhos eyes fluttered open slowly, squinting at the stove clock far away in the darkness. he could read 4 numbers so that was telling enough. his neck felt stiff from the position he was in with jisung, who was sprawled out with his arm around minhos shoulder and other arm on the backside of the couch. minho smiled fondly at his friends beautifully sleepy face, unraveling from his position to grab something in the kitchen.

once his embrace left, jisung arose from his sleep, wiping the drool on the corner of his mouth and yawning. minho turned around from the fridge and saw his figure moving his arms around. minho turned to the fridge again, grabbing the pitcher of filtered water and pouring a glass of it for him and jisung to share.

"minho?" jisung questioned in the dark, rubbing his eyes to adjust to it. minho quickly put the pitcher away and walked over to jisung on the couch.

"just grabbing water, how was your nap?" he asked taking a sip of the water.

"i wish it was longer, but at least we didn't sleep until the early morning" he responded still groggy from waking up. minho giggled at his response, tapping his chest lightly with his hand.

"well, we're awake now. how are you feeling mentally and everything?" minho asked hesitantly, scooting closer to jisung on the couch.

"i'm going to talk about it when i feel more awake, right now i just want to cuddle and forget about it," jisung said honestly, laying his head on minhos shoulder. minho giggled again and released some more built tension.

"come here jisung-ah. we don't need to forget about it, let's cuddle and talk about it, okay?" minho smiled, brushing a strand of his hair from his face. jisung returned the smile with purity, looking up into minhos eyes softly. minho grabbed his waist and thighs up onto his lap, jisung wrapping his arms around his neck. jisung could feel his heartbeat onto minhos warm skin, rubbing his neck with his hands.

"minho. i'm so mad that you put me in this position. i care about you so much and no matter what fucking drug you use let alone heroin, i don't care. i just want to be with you here through it all and if you dare fucking leave me through an OD, i'll never forgive you or myself. and if i see you get to a point of aggression, i will put an end to what you've started.." jisung felt stern with his words, even as he was still tired. minho felt his sincerity, giving him a small hum of understandment. he knew the itching feeling would start soon as sudden waves of reality hit minho a bit.

"i'm going to try so hard." he said drowning his thoughts with jisung and jisung only. minho grabbed his cheek suddenly and turned his head to look at him closer. jisungs breath caught in his throat as he felt the tension build again.

"for you." he said before pulling his bottom lip down with his thumb and planting a small kiss on his lip. it was a soft promising one that put a pact into their still blooming relationship. jisung smiled fondly at his friend, still, and brought his hand to pat minhos head.

—