trauma - richie tozier angst

if you let me know

eddie elbowed richie, who flinched hard. the shorter boy's eyes widened, and richie just forced a laugh.

"jeez, warning next time," richie chuckled.

eddie swallowed. "you sure you're okay?"

"duhh," said richie. eddie sighed.

"alright.."

richie just zoned out most of the class, and the bell rang, richie jumping slightly. he looked around and made eye contact with stan.

stanley walked up to richie and took hold of his wrist, and richie flinched and shot his arm back.

"woah, chill," stanley mumbled. "why so jumpy?"

richie shrugged. "i don't really know.." he cleared his throat to deter his sobs.

he stood and left the class with stanley. it was unlike the blonde boy to skip class, but that wasn't his main concern. the two entered the music room and closed the door, richie sitting in one of the chairs as stanley turned and looked at him.

"what's wrong?" stanley asked. richie swallowed.

"what do ya mean? i'm fine!" richie tried to say cheerfully.

"rich, i know when you're actually okay and when you're not." richie chewed at the insides of his mouth.

"i'm just a little tired! nothing's wrong, stan," richie said with a fake smile.

"see, that's not a real smile. i'm not a dumbass, richie," stanley pointed out, walking over to the boy and pulling up a random chair in front of him. "so? you can talk to me, you know."

"stanny, my manny, there ain't anything wrong. there's nothing to talk about."

"alright, then what was wrong the other day? i know you said not to talk about it but you clearly need someone to tell. i promise i won't tell anybody about this," the blonde said. he was right. but richie was too uncomfortable.

"don't bring it up. i'm as serious as i can get when i say that," richie said sternly, trying not to cry.

"richie," stanley uttered. he looked at richie genuinely, and richie couldn't handle it. he just started crying and put his face over his hands. "hey, come here."

stanley put his arms around richie and brought him into a hug. richie immediately flinched away and pushed off, trembling slightly.

"'m sorry," richie mumbled, trying to stop crying. he sucked in a breath and tried to hold it. he just swiped at his tears to try and rid of them.

"don't be sorry. it's okay to cry," stanley said. richie took a deep breath, his bottom lip quivered like crazy.

"don't say that because then i'm actually gonna start bawling," richie admitted, forcing out a laugh.

"i'm serious, you don't have to try to be strong when you're not. it's okay to break. you're tired."

richie took it in for a second before bursting into tears, hands covering his shaky face. stanley furrowed his eyebrows, sorrowful for richie. he wanted to help him, to hug him. but for some reason, richie just wouldn't allow it.

"i can't, i can't do this-" richie sobbed.

"let it all out," stanley said, putting a hand on richie's shoulder. he let stanley, hearing his voice helped. his sobs deterred his flinching, at least.

"i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared, i- i-i- i-" richie cried, sucking in a large breath to calm down and not cry.

"can i please hug you?" stanley asked. richie paused and slowly nodded.