trauma - richie tozier angst

i hear your s.o.s.

"w-what?!" eddie gasped. richie burst into tears.

"don't exaggerate like that! just stop! stop! you didn't- you don't know anything! stop!" richie yelped. eddie's mouth was ajar as he tried to say something. he didn't know what to say to that.

"rich.." eddie uttered. "i'm so sorry."

"stop it!" richie exclaimed, holding his face and looking away from eddie. "n-no."

richie felt incredibly uncomfortable that someone now knew. he hated even thinking about it. ugh. and especially that it was his best friend and crush that knew.

"richie.. it's not your fault."

"please stop talking about it!" richie cried. eddie hesitated on putting his hand on richie's shoulder. he knew how jumpy and scared the boy was, and didn't want to push his limits.

"sorry," eddie sighed. "can i hug you?"

richie sniffed and tried to wipe the sobs off of his face.

"u-uhm.." richie uttered. "i don't kn-now."

eddie nodded. "slow start," the shorter boy lead. richie sniffed and wiped his nose, slightly leaning towards eddie, who very slowly wrapped his arms around richie as they hesitantly hugged. richie was able to loosely wrap his arms around eddie's body, and eddie hugged richie with cautiousness. richie sighed out. "this good?"

"mhm," richie hummed. eddie nodded.

"good, good."

"i-" richie started. he gave up on saying anything, however. it wasn't worth it.

"shh," eddie cooed. richie huffed and looked up, trying to stop crying once again. it was getting tiring.

"why did this have to happen..?" richie mumbled.

"i don't know, you didn't deserve anything," eddie said quietly.

"please don't answer me when i s-say shit. i'm so uncomfortable."

"rich, you don't need to be uncomfortable around me. if you don't want me to say anything, i won't, but i'm not here to judge you. i promise." richie kept crying.

"stop making me cry," he tried to laugh out.

eddie furrowed his eyebrows with concern. "i'll try."

richie sniffed. "i don't get it. i didn't do anything wrong. i did everything i was supposed to. this wasn't supposed to happen. why did it. why." he asked these questions, but it was barely even asking. more of demanding of a valid answer.

eddie stayed silent as he was asked.

"guys!" a kid yelled, and eddie looked up, richie too exhausted to even try. "what's going on?" beverly breathed as she ran up.

"uh.. nothing," eddie answered for the both of them. beverly looked at him pathetically.

"you know i hate being lied to." eddie nodded. "lunch is over, where have you guys been?"

"just out here," eddie said.

"why..?" she asked, fixing her eyes on richie. "rich, are you okay?"

"yeah.." richie said shakily. she and eddie shared looks.

"hey, what's wrong? what happened?" beverly asked kindly and crouched. she was about to place a hand of comfort on richie, but eddie swatted it away. she looked at him confused, and eddie shook his head.

"nothing," richie uttered. she then looked at richie.

"you guys can tell me things, you know. we're all friends here," beverly said.

"this is something so personal to richie that he could barely tell me," eddie told her, and her eyebrows rose.

"oh, shit, okay," said beverly, "well i'm so sorry for whatever it is, rich. just know i'm here if you need me."

richie sniffed and nodded. "thanks, bevvie."

"alright.. uh.. i think cla-" beverly started, though the bell rang mid-sentence. "yeah. that."

eddie looked down and richie, who was slowly pulling away. he shivered as he did so, adjusting his glasses.

"you think you'll be okay?" eddie mumbled lowly. richie stared at the ground.

"i don't know anymore," richie said, his voice cracking.

"okay.." eddie sighed. "should we call home? have you leave early?"

richie just kept his eyes on the patch of grass beneath of him.

"i don't know. i really don't."

eddie nodded. "that's understandable. we're both right here by your side if you need us, rich."

richie nodded and wiped his face. "thank you."

"do you want a hug?" beverly asked, holding her arms out.

"not really.."

"we haven't had our daily hug yet! where'd that go..?" she asked. 

"down the drain for now," richie sighed. "i'm really sorry."

"richie, what's going on? you're scaring me," she admitted.

"nothing, nothing's going on, nothing happened, everything is okay, everything's fine," richie ranted. he sighed and put his face in his hands. "kinda wish i stayed home today."

eddie nodded and slowly rose a hand to richie, beverly watching with confusion as he hesitated.

"it's just me," eddie whispered to richie as he put a hand on richie's shoulder, who trembled slightly before nodding.

richie stood and began walking, quickly so that nor eddie or beverly could catch up to him. he walked covering his face and keeping his head down, just wanting space. not company.

he didn't even feel like crying anymore. well, he felt like it, but physically couldn't. he was too exhausted, and had already been bawling for four days straight.

he proceeded to excuse himself from school and biked away, heading over to his and beverly's smoke spot. throwing his bike in the rocks, he plopped down and curled in on himself, face down and hidden.

"i don't get it," he said to himself, "i really don't. why did it happen? why does shit like this happen? why me? i'm not attractive. i don't have a nice body. so why..? why?!" richie rambled. he grabbed a rock and chucked it, watching it hit a brick and explode to pieces.

(hehrhs short chapter what should i do next and how do i make the losers react)