Hot Mess Express

XII.

WARNING: this chapter is going to contain some hard topics for some people. Please see trigger warnings below.
TW: mentions of suicide, thoughts of suicide, mental and emotional abuse, etc.

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Ten days after your conversation with Jean on the rooftop, you all got the call that the RV was road ready once again. It had taken longer than expected to find all of the parts that were needed to get it repaired, but you all had enjoyed the time spend in the cozy hotel sheets and with the free continental breakfast.

Since your talk with Jean agreeing on friendship and setting your feelings aside, things with him had been best described as "fine".

You two were comfortable enough being in the same room with each other and you tried your best to keep the humor between the two of you lighthearted. Although your feelings for him were still floating close to the surface, you did your level best to push them down as much as you could.

It was easier said than done, especially on the occasions where you found yourself alone with him. It started as a coincidental run in on the roof yet again where you found Jean working on the portrait of Marco he had shown you previously.

Armin's prior words came back to you "you know he had completely stopped working on his art until you came around". His voice echoed in your ears, and you shook the thought away.

Although you offered to leave and give him his privacy, he told you to stay and the two of you fell into comfortable silence – him drawing and you enjoying the night breeze. This continued into the next night until the two of you had started a routine of spending time separately together on the rooftop after everyone else had gone to sleep, never uttering more than a few words of acknowledgement to each other.

Little did either of you know, you were both spending this silence with thoughts of each other booming in your heads, sneaking quick glances at one another and smiling the same sad smiles at the beauty of what you felt you couldn't have.

"Ugh those hotel beds were so soft I miss them already." Sasha let out a fake cry as the boys loaded your bags back onto the RV. Now that everything was fixed, you were prepared to get back on the road and heading towards your destination. According to Armin, you all should be in Paradis by tomorrow evening as long as you didn't make too many pit stops other than parking tonight.

You couldn't believe you would be in Paradis so soon. Everything up until this point felt like a dream, but now reality was sinking in and the notion that you would soon be in the same city as your father truly dawned on you.

Your mind was clouded with "what ifs".

What if he wanted nothing to do with you?

What if he was a terrible person?

What if he wasn't even in Paradis anymore and your brother's lead on him was wrong?

Before you could get too lost in your thoughts, you felt a hand gently brush your shoulder. "Earth to Y/n?" Eren spoke louder, giving you the impression he had already tried speaking to you to no avail. "Lights are on, but is anyone home in there?" He laughed as he flicked the space between your eyes.

"Hey!" you whined grabbing his wrist and thumping him back in the same space he flicked you before. "You're one to talk, I was just thinking to myself, but you wouldn't know anything about that- it's like there's a bird nest up there instead of a brain."

"Oh piss off! Who are you to call me empty headed I'm sure I'm smarter than you!" Eren countered. The two of you continued to bicker back and forth garnering an audience from Mikasa and Armin.