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Anupamaa hurriedly walked away in the dead of the morning. She had been up all night thinking and contemplating on what to do. Her eyes were rimmed red and puffy due to lack of sleep and the tears that had been streaming constantly since the idea came in her mind. She walked through the silent house with a small bag of items. It contained a few sarees, her wedding bangles, some books and a picture of her loves. With muffled sobs she quickly opened the door and slipped past the gate and walked into the early morning dawn - unsure of where this path would take her. She dared not look back, lest her resolve would weaken seeing her abandoned home, the one she had built lovingly with her Anuj.
Anuj had a distresseful night and had finally fallen asleep sometime after midnight. He had been wracking his brains throughout the night and had been so engrossed in his thoughts trying to find a solution, he had barely paid attention to anything around him. Both he and Anu didn't have the appetite for food and they had just sat silently in the room together lost in their own thoughts. The usual banter, cheerful laughs had been missing for the past few days as they faced the new challenge in their life.
Anuj turned in the bed without opening his eyes and he put his arms out to grab Anu, in his worrries last night he hadn't even talked to her since yesterday morning. They had been physically together but their minds were farther apart than he could've imagined. This had been testing times for them and they both were lost in their own despair.
Unable to locate Anu he squinted his eyes open and looked around. Was she in the restroom? He didn't see any light coming. Maybe she went downstairs? But it was 4AM, it was too early for to have gotten ready already. For some reason an uneasy feeling started creeping through his chest, it started first with the hairs on his neck rising following by his heart racing slightly faster than usual. He called out her name, "Anu?". He decided to walk downstairs and see if she was there. Walking a bit fast paced with an unknown fear gripping his heart, he made his way into the living area. It was silent as could be. "Should I look outside?" He knew it didn't make sense that she'd be out there but he couldn't understand where she was. He had barely spoken to her in the past 24 hours and he was regretting not enquiring what had been going through her mind. He was starting to slightly panic and his mind was drawing a blank, he didn't know where she was and something felt horribly wrong.
He rushed back to the room to recheck the bathroom, maybe she had taken a fall. As he opened the door, her open cupboard caught his eye. Opening it he noticed that a few of her sarees were missing and looking back at the bed he saw a note near an empty photo frame. Trying to breathe normally he quickly snatched the paper and opened it.
Anuj. Mere Anuj. Aapko pata hain, jab main aapse pehli baar milli thi tho mujhe kitni hasi aayi thi aapko dekh kar. Matlab aapki ajeeb shayari, aur upar se aapki dance dekhar. (switching to English) But there is one secret I never told you or Devika regarding that night. I had secretly found you very very handsome and your little quirks were extremely cute and I couldn't help but glance at you more than I usually would throughout the night. I was looking at you trying to understand why you ever liked me back in college. i might not have recognized you but I knew your name and remember being teased by Devika. I'm sure you were just as handsome and cute back in college and for the life of me I couldn't understand what you would've seen in me, a shy, traditional girl. But that night turned out to be the best night of my life and for the first time that night I slept with a smile on my face. As you know, my life had been put at crossroads where I couldn't move forward due to familial responsibilities when I had just wanted to be in peace and in solitude. I had been awaiting the day where I could finally breath in peace in silence, no children asking things of me nor me being dragged into everyones' troubles.
Do you know what I dreamt of everyday - me standing in peace near the ocean just breathing in the air and not having a worry in the world. A life that would end in solitude, and i was okay with not having a life partner throughout the golden years of my life. But I didn't mind, I had experienced everything in life, children, marital life and I had seen the good and the bad of both. I was ready for a quiet life till the end of my years on this Earth.
But then, you came into my life. And I realized I hadn't experienced many things. What love, respect and life could be. I will forever be grateful for you and I thank the stars that I was able to experience that. You must be wondering by now why I am speaking in past tense. Anuj, mere pyare Bholuram, I love you so much and I hope you won't hate me too much. Please don't be too angry either, remember chotti.
While i have lived life and enjoyed everything, you, my love have not. I was your only aim in life and while I love your tapasya it makes me sad that you lived life without experiencing it fully. I wish - oh how I wish and how I tried to give you that life. But in many ways I've fallen short and maybe our love would be enough for the rest of our years, but I've seen what could be. You living life fully and laughing and dancing and crying with joy - with your daughter, our daughter. Life has already slipped by you and while you seem content having waited patiently for me without any hope, I can't afford you losing this dream. If this is the last thing I do, I will make sure that have everything you wanted with Choti. I wish I could have been part of this dream, and in some sense I will always be I suppose, but alas circumstances have made it such that I have had to make a difficult decision. This decision feels like I am cutting out my own heart as I part with it, but one of has to make the move Anuj. And I know you can never chose between us, but my love, forgive me for making this decision for us. Please please please, try to focus on Chotti and know that I will always and forever be yours.
And, love, I apologize for going back on my promise. I knew I promised we'd grow old together, but let's grow old ensuring our daughter has the best life. And don't worry about me, I will be okay. I won't apologize further for taking this decision, but please take care of yourself and our daughter, for me. I can live only knowing you both are okay."
Anuj crashed onto the floor. He should've known she'd do something like this. But he never expected she'd actually leave him. All her promises came back to him and anger tore through his heart. How could she, how could she leave without fighting. This wasn't the solution! And with that he threw the paper away. She wanted to leave, then fine!
Anuj in his subconscious mind had found a way to cope with this trauma, anger was his poison of choice. For, if he let himself feel any more than that he knew he would collapse. As Anupamaa caught a bus to anywhere, Anuj walked out of the room in anger not looking back at her crumpled pillow or her cupboard. It would be the last time he entered that room - he would not be able to bear being in that room alone. Anupamaa's eyes were streaming tears silently down as she looked at the changing scenery as she grabbed the first bus to Mumbai. The city where it had all started. It was fitting that where her beautiful married life and where she met her daughter would be where she would find solace during this new path.
