damage.

flashback.

india.
@ atl , ga.

"damn india you can't do shit right!"

"i'm sorry mama , i didn't mean to" i said as my face was covered in tears.

"you starting to piss me off. don't know why the fuck i even had you anyway, shouldve aborted yo ass like yo dumb ass daddy told me"

i look down at my old & raggedy jellybeans (shoes) and continue to cry,wondering why i'm
not good enough.

"stop allat damn cryin befo i give u some to cry about" my mama says as she punches my shoulder , leaving a red and purple bruise.

"i'm sorry mama" i sob.

"sorry ain't good enough. i just need you out my life."

i walk upstairs into my small bedroom — if that's what you consider it. it's just a room with a mattress on the floor and a blanket. not even curtians or a rug or toys to play with.

i've been trying for 12 years to try to make my mama proud. i'm just not good enough for her. or anybody in that matter..

i sit in the corner and continue to cry as suicidal thoughts crowd my mind.

i look around my empty room and stand up. i peak out my door to make sure my mama is in her room. once i see that she's inside her room i tiptoe down stairs. i look under the cabinets and once i found what i was looking for i head back upstairs.

i tie it around the fan blade and stand on top
of the mattress. i tie it around my neck tightly and breath in and out.

i close my eyes and do a prayer to god as i kick the chair from underneath me.

everything goes black...

beep. beep. beep. beep.

am i in heaven? or hell? or both?

i try to move my body but i can't. i force my eyes open but close them back once the bright light hits my eyes.

so i'm not in heaven... or hell... or both.

i'm just in the stupid dumb hospital.

i open my eyes once more to look around the room, but it was nobody in here expect me.

well atleast i'm not with my mama..

a dark skinned nurse with a low ponytail walked inside the room with a clip board. she looked at me with empathy and shaked her head.

"we tried to contact your mother.. she didn't
pick up.." she walked closer.

"you know your a strong little girl for surviving." she moved my hair out my face.

"the neighbors heard commotion and called the police.. but she was gone when they found you." she stared into my eyes.

"we couldn't contact any other family members.. and when we did they hung up after we said your name."

"you're temporarily paralyzed... estimating about 2 months."

"you don't have to speak.. just listen."

"you have to go to therapy from now on."

"you're also in the system, unless we can find somebody to take you"

there was a calm silence until she spoke up
again.

"i'll bring you some food up, you're probably hungry."

i nod my head and think to myself.

is this a dream?

credits - @rrbchanel @luh9_A1.