DOOM SAGA II- What stays behind

Firefly

He woke up grumbling. The bed felt hard, and became harder with every turn until he finally sat up furiously. At least that's what he wanted. But his forehead bumped with full force against the hard rock just above him. The warmth of the sheets turned into icy cold, which gave him goose bumps all over his body. Sleeping drunk, he thought for a moment that he hadn't gone to sleep in his bed and just forgot about it, but the more seconds passed, the clearer his prison in the dark became.
"Not again..." he thought to himself.
He sighed, but realized he was alone. The rock around him was the same, the cold, the darkness.
Why was she not with him, he asked himself, and a feeling of discomfort rose in his stomach.
He let her go...? Did that mean...? That she's still out there...?
With all his strength he pressed himself against the lid and pushed it to the side almost with practice. The black water mercilessly encircled him as he dove in and began to swim.
Without any light, he didn't even know where to start. If she was still alive... He suddenly felt sick.
If she was alive, he had to find her. Find her and... hold onto her?
A ghastly fear was brewing inside him. It wasn't that she was dead. lt wasn't that he would not be able to find her. lt wasn't even whether she would be able to forgive him.
He first looked around near the surface, which seemed closer every time, hoping to see a shadow near him. But nothing. He dived deeper and swam on and on. It could have been hours, or only minutes, though his despair gradually gave way to logic - what was he doing? Wasn't it all just a dream? If it was a dream, he didn't know how to wake up again. He swam back into the light, broke through the surface, and took yet another breath. The frost and the breeze bit his skin, and even the sun, which seemed to move abhorrently slowly, brought no relief. He began to crawl, and made progress for a while.  He had tried to keep going in the same direction, and yet he thought the world was nothing but sea. Like in a fucking film. He hoisted himself onto one of the icebergs and watched the little clouds rising from his mouth.
Wasn't that what he had wanted? Peace and quiet, no fighting, no blazing hell. The silence was ever so soothing and he closed his eyes to relish it, yet he could hardly remain still.
Was she gone because this was meant for him? She wished for something completely different after all. And he, too, wanted something else by now....
His chest heaved as the icy air filled him up, and he cried out. The pain in his middle stabbed deep and fierce as he realised.
He jumped up and leapt into the wet again, diving deeper and deeper into the blackness. Blind and yet, guided by his feelings rather than his logic, he knew where to find her. And as he was swallowed by the depths, a barely noticeable gloom flickered. Like a a child he followed the distant firefly-like light gently moving onwards, when a dizziness rose. He blinked and shook his head, the darkness becoming white noise as his limbs were inceasingly uncoordinated and heavy, until he felt himself paddling and grasping for the sheets around him. He still felt the pressure on his chest and needed a moment to breathe properly again, as only gradually the warmth of the room, and not least her warmth, reached him. Peacefully, she still slumbered beside him, totally knocked out from the previous day's exertions. She murmured something softly, as if his wild movements had disturbed her in a pleasurable dream. He sighed warily, focusing on the here and now, and yet he couldn't shake that uneasy feeling.
Gingerly, he moved forward and slid his hand under hers, and almost as a reflex, she closed around two of his fingers. That was all she could fit in her little paws. He smiled.