Life After Near Death

Nightmares and Dreams

My best dreams and worst nightmares have the same people in them."

— Philippos

Natsu never went back to the hospital.

Summer passed into autumn. It was another two months of surgeries and sessions with magical healers before Gray was deemed to be in stable condition. Still, his diet was extremely limited. The doctors had not even begun to talk seriously about rehabilitation for his leg, not when all focus had so far been on fixing the extensive damage to his internal organs. He was stuck in bed mostly, although he was allowed to go outside in a wheelchair for some sunshine and fresh air.

Lyon stayed around Magnolia during that time, worried for his adopted brother. He saw that Gray was not the same as before. No matter how Lyon tried to tease him, cheer him up, or encourage him to have Ice-Make challenges like they used to do as kids, seeing who could be the most creative, Gray had no interest, not even in using a small bit of magic.

"Why bother?" he would mutter. "I won't be able to fight as a wizard again, not after this."

"We don't know what the future will bring," Lyon told him sternly. "We create our future, like we create our ice. We can be dull and boring, or..." Lyon used both hands to create a gorgeous miniature peacock of ice that landed on the arm of the wheelchair and began to strut around. "...we can be inventive and create something amazing."

Gray made a fist and slammed it down, crushing the sculpted bird into icy shards. "In the end, it's gone in a flash. It melts and gets destroyed. Ice doesn't last!"

"Gray," Lyon sighed worriedly. "This isn't like you."

Gray said nothing, but his scowl was enough. Lyon kept quiet, but he was still worried about this grim mind-set Gray had picked up.

At some point, Gray got into a habit of poking his leg. He felt nothing past the horrendous scar, where muscles and tendons had been blasted away and his bone partly blown apart. The doctors removed the shattered bits of bone, a Bone Magic wizard had repaired the damage, and somehow they managed to save the limb; however, since there was no known medical procedure to reconnect major nerves that had been severed by many centimeters, and no healer in Fiore powerful enough to completely regrow almost a quarter of his upper thigh, including tendons and muscles, the physicians wondered if amputation might not be a better option. Fiore had advanced prosthetics, Gray could probably be fitted with a fake leg and be walking in a few months. However, for now, the leg was secondary to healing his lungs and organs. He felt nothing, and so he kept poking it, knowing he should feel something, but watching vacuously as his finger pressed into flesh that did not seem to be his own.

One day, there was a knock on the recovery room door, and Erza stepped in with Juvia. Some people at least still visited him. Gray had no clue why he felt angry that Natsu stayed away. If the Dragon Slayer did show up, they would have just argued, anyway. The doctors frequently warned Gray not to get riled up, since his lung was still healing and his stomach was susceptible to bleeding. Maybe Natsu had been ordered to stay away precisely for that reason. Gray wasn't sure, and he felt weird asking anyone about that flame-brain idiot.

"Gray-sama!"

Juvia's voice was much more pacified these days. She had dark circles under her eyes. Considering all the rain Magnolia had been getting, Gray knew she must have been crying a lot.

He felt unworthy of anyone's tears. Why should people cry for a man who should be dead?

"Sorry it's just us," Erza said. "Lucy and Natsu are off on a mission."