My Heart's Addiction

Truth

"Morgan you can't keep sulking like this."

Oh, how much I didn't need to hear those words. Let alone the sentence overall. Yet, Carter is not wrong. Carter had always had the best interest in mind for me. He's also the only person keeping me sane at the moment. My life went from perfection to imperfection too soon. I would've expected it in the next five years. Regardless, I still wouldn't want it to happen.

"You know Carter, I can't help it. It's painful for me." Brittle and bitter, I am. I had to watch the love of my life take steps away.

"I understand you love him, but you asked for this, did you not?" Carter suggested.

God, I did ask for this. If there was an opportunity to go back in time, there were so many ways I could've done differently to save us, at least what should've been us.

"You wouldn't understand my pain, Carter. He's, my soulmate." Call me delusional, but it is true. I have never laid eyes on someone and believe love, at first sight, was a thing until now. It was written on the stones already.

"You're right, but your soulmate is with someone else." He emphasizes.

Okay, let's fill you in cause there's a lot that has been missed. I'm Morgan, and I speak about my tragic love situation with the person I love and my current ex, Peyton, to my best friend, Carter. Summertime came down, and everything went to shambles. It was so traumatic that all I remember is that he had so many trust issues with me I couldn't breathe. Then, two weeks later, I found another guy to replace him.

To make him jealous and regret ever hurting me. My logic was off and very irrational. Which is why that relationship only lasted a week. School starts again, and I see Peyton. Oh, Peyton in all his glory.

Once I saw him, I didn't know how to act but cold, yet the plan didn't work. Then, out of nowhere, we kissed in the heat of the moment. My heart skipped several beats more than it should have.

"I have a girlfriend, but I'm just seeing how it goes for now before announcing it," Peyton whispered. His voice was unfamiliar, and his hesitation was enough to know it was no joke.

My eyes dropped, and I spoke low, too. This can't be my reality now.

"I'm happy for you!" It is as sweet as sugar, but if you listen closely, I stumbled over my words with a wobbly tone. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Nor could I bear sitting there and listening to what Peyton told me.

My silence spoke every unsaid word that I was thinking. Why did Peyton betray me? Why couldn't he wait? I was too late, and it was all my fault. Why did he have to lead me on? I must've had the signals messed up.

"Why are you acting like this?" He bristled and taunted at me. I huffed and turned to talk to Carter instead.

I couldn't bear to hear him any longer. Every time I turned, I saw him; in every corner I stood, he echoed from elsewhere. The only sanctuary for my sanity that I had was the outdoors. Fresh air, not loud, and best of all, he wasn't there. Considering how I stormed off after snapping at Peyton, I received many concerned messages from Carter.

I responded, deserving of a break from the chaos. The whole first week of school was spent wasting toilet paper and hating and loving Peyton entirely. Just doing my best to get a better understanding of the situation I'm in. Who would've thought that everything could go into dust in a snap of your fingers? Or so I have felt.

"I don't think that their relationship is real." Carter blurted out on the other end of the line.

"What?" I choked out. Well, I never thought he would say that in a million years.

"Realistically speaking, it doesn't seem like this relationship can go on for awhile and I think you've seen the way he looks at you. On the other note, he doesn't talk about her much either." Carter criticized.

Wait, Peyton looks at me still? I guess I was too focused on being mad at the world to forget who his first love was and who was mine.

"But it's his girlfriend, it seems quite illogical for him to even look my way." I implied the idea but hinted that's not at all what I was thinking.

"You don't believe he stopped caring about you once he got a girlfriend? Let's be for real, Morgan." He chuckled, and now I joined him nervously, playing with my hair.

"After this week, it's hard to even consider, right?" I muttered, even questioning my own thinking. Peyton went from leaning on me and having his arm around me to keeping to himself. I should've known that something was up.

He was still affectionate after we broke up, but recently, he stopped completely. Yet, he still somehow managed to find ways to be near me. It didn't feel the same anymore because his words felt distant, and he felt so far, too. Maybe it was because I pushed him so far away then.

His eyes weren't a lovesick puppy anymore but stern as if he were looking at an essay for too long. His body language shifted from side by side to even being lucky if our shoes touched. It was a lot to decipher for the week. Of course, a lot of adjusting needs to be done as well.

I need to tell him what he did was unfair and wrong to me. I told him aggressively, approached the topic incorrectly, and things turned awful. Words were said that wouldn't have been able to be taken back. Emotions got too involved with logical thinking.

"You said you would never treat me the same way he did but did it anyways." I wept. I wish I was more vital to talk to him about this.

"I'm sorry, okay? I really wanted to be with you, but it's so complicated Morgan." He pleaded, but his words meant nothing to match his actions.

"How is it complicated to decide that want me? You told me you weren't ready! You told me to wait for you, but you ended up with someone else!" Scolding him was a pain because sometimes it was talking to a brick wall.

"I said I was sorry! What more do you want from me? You already had me and now I want to see what else is out there. Let other people get a chance, Morgan. You can't gate keep me when I'm not yours anymore." He stated to me. I was baffled, for I was unaware of how he felt.

"Oh. I see." I muttered.