My Heart's Addiction

Jealousy

Thelma isn't close to him or his true other half, so why is she trying so hard to be me to him? There is no replica of me or a suitor better than me for him. If she wants to play this game, I'll indeed join it. I would love to see the rage and pain in her eyes, knowing that he's still wrapped around my finger. I can't possibly accept that another person could be better for him than me.

"Well look who decided to call." Peyton cooed at me.

"It's a lot harder to call you considering you have a girlfriend now." I giggled a bit.

It has slipped my mind that he did have a girlfriend a few times even with Thelma around. Talking to him now has eased off any pressure I felt to call him when I'm home. I didn't believe he would have time to talk to me since he would be occupied with his new girlfriend. So, the fear of talking to him, considering my feelings, would be rough. Yet I still wanted to try, and even Carter encouraged it. The atmosphere of the call still felt as if we were together, which felt so right yet so wrong.

"I don't like Thelma. I've also been told by Carter that she doesn't understand why you hang around me if you hate me." I rolled my eyes as I walked outside to the dumpster with my phone in the other hand.

"Yes, bro, she was so weird for that. I wouldn't hang around you if I didn't like you." He groaned, which made me relieved that he understood my annoyance with her.

"She must have a crush on you. I don't truly believe that she is with McLevin because she genuinely likes him. I see him as a backup plan for her to be closer to you." I pinched the bridge of my nose, tossing the trash bag in the dumpster's overhead.

"Woah, that's a bit of an extreme thinking. Y'all really don't like each other, huh?" I couldn't decipher if Peyton was joking or if he was actually concerned with my thought process. Regardless, I was in no mood for it.

"I'm serious, Peyton. She hated me for absolutely nothing because of a stupid influence of what my ex had said to her! She's tormented me for uneasy reasons and insulted me at my hardest moments too." I ranted, agitated by the memories of what she had said about me and more so disgusted that Peyton could be friends with her in the first place. I don't know what changed from him hating an enemy if I hated them too.

"Okay, I get that bit. Why am I only now just hearing about this, though?" He questioned me, and I just groaned, rolling my eyes, entering what I would call my chaotic space.

"Oh please, me and two other people have mentioned it to you on the bus when she wasn't there one day. Yet, you insisted that she doesn't have feelings for you but McLevin." I sighed.

"No, you haven't answered my question. What the guys told me is completely different from what you have said. Why am I only now hearing about this?" He insisted, but I honestly didn't have an answer for him.

Why am I now just telling him? Why didn't I tell him sooner? Why do I have so much animosity against Thelma and his girlfriend? I offered Peyton my silence for a bit until we moved on to another topic, and we just talked and flirted for a bit. Yet, the girls were still running in the back of my head.

I was annoyed at the fact that another girl found what I saw in Peyton, and it was annoying how she got him when he was waiting to be with me. She bewitched him in many ways, and now he only talks about her. I once was the main character in his story, but now I just feel like a side character. I still wished I was his number one and his only one, but that would be selfish. I shouldn't care. That's not even in my place to do so.

I believe I should let him go, but I can't stand seeing Peyton with other girls. After realizing my crush on him, I was never okay with how someone was too close to him. Other females were too touchy, too giggly, and mostly they now started to give him more attention in the last three years I've been in school with him. Everyone steered away from him when he was small, squeaky, and chubby, but I didn't.

I was there when no one seemed to pay attention to him. I laughed with him until we were weak in the knees. I got to know the insiders of his life; I was the closest female to him. I was Peyton's safe space where he didn't have to force himself to be the life of the party. I love him for how reserved he could be and relaxed when he was with me. I love Peyton for just being Peyton.

I miss my big bear. I miss everything about Peyton, but I can't have him. It was clear once Thelma and his girlfriend came into the picture. They proved to me that I was incapable and underserving of his love. That I was something that should be disregarded in his life. His kindness is just a display because of pity on me. Being around Thelma and Peyton was as if I got bitten by snakes, and the venom sank in.

"Ugh, Thelma won't stop bragging about Peyton's girlfriend; she became best friends, and she loves her so much." I mocked Thelma to Carter over the phone.

"Yeah, she makes it quite noticeable that she's trying to upset you. Clearly it's working perfectly fine." Carter visibly shakes his head, and I'm now pouting.

"Okay, yes, it's working effectively, which is triggering me more, but I am trying to steer clear of their path. Peyton just ditches Thelma to come to me. He's making it difficult when it shouldn't be. Unintentionally!" I whined.

"Yeah, I heard her complaining about him ignoring her to talk to you. It's pretty funny." He laughed, and I joined in.

She also doesn't like being ignored by her favorite person either. It's okay; he was neither Thelma's nor his current lover's, to begin with. I will take back the spot that was rightfully mine in a matter of time, but how long will that be? Whatever, I don't care.

Nobody suits him better than I do. Sooner or later, Peyton will be mine again.