Fallen Angel

Drip, Drip, Drip

AN: Tw: Kind of a panic attack

I am Proud of you :)

Sapnap wants Karl, He wants him under the stars, under the blue sky. He wants him in the rain and in the snow. He wants him when he's sick, when he's drunk. He wants him happy and sad. He wants Karl so much that it's killing him. His wants are wrapping their hands around his body and twisting him around like an alligator in a death roll.

He wants Karl so much that he can't hide it anymore. He wants to have kids with him, he wants to love him at the latest of nights, he wants to love him at the earliest of days. He wants it all and more, maybe it's terrible to be so connected to a person but he doesn't care. He needs to let it out.

It's raining, the day after the wedding and the day filled with groans and complaints from family who drank a little too much. Sapnap and Karl on the other hand, completely sober and completely in avoidance of each other.

Sapnap watches Karl play with Vic from afar, He gets joined on his side of the room by Sam, "hey," they say.

"Hi," Sapnap responds, still staring at the boys.

"You okay?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, why?"

Sam shrugs jutting out their bottom lip briefly, "Just asking because you're staring over there at the floor as if it personally wronged you—Or better yet, personally wronged Karl ."

"What?" Sapnap shakes out of his thoughts, "I was looking at..." The boys are gone, they moved and Sapnap doesn't know where or how long ago, all he knows is that it's a little past midday and he might just be going crazy.

"Yeah okay, loverboy." They pat his shoulder, "Leah wants you and Karl to make cookies, he's in the kitchen waiting for you. We'll be watching movies in that movie room we haven't used yet—we meaning the rest of this unfortunate family." They wink before walking away.

Sapnap sighs, time to face the angel, or maybe devil. Maybe Karl is a fallen angel, maybe he is Lucifer only here to serve as the soul keeper, the Sapnap soul keeper. He works his way to the kitchen, seeing Karl sitting on the island countertop with all of the ingredients out, he looks up from his phone when he hears Sapnap fully shuffle into the room.

"Ready to bake?" Karl asks cherrily, smiling as if he didn't shatter Sapnap's heart just last night.

"Yeah," Sapnap says, playing along, if Karl wants to fake it, he can too.

Fake it 'till you make it.

Fake it 'till you make it.

Fake it 'till you make it.

A mantra, A mantra he made his child self believe just so he could survive. He seems to be going back to his child self a lot on this trip. Maybe it's a sign, a sign to curl up into the shell that is safe, maybe it's a sign to not ruin what he has.

"Okay so I think it calls for two cups of flour." Karl says, hoping down, going to grab the flower and measuring cups.

Sapnap joins the mixing area beside Karl and they smile at each other before starting to try and combine ingredients into a bowl, a concoction that is supposed to resemble cookie dough but instead it looks like a ball of mush.

"I think we measured something wrong," Karl says furrowing his eyebrows, his hand is on his hip and somehow with batter on his cheek he still looks unreal.

"Just add more flour," Sapnap says, reaching for it, but Karl stops him.

"No, wait let me just see if I can fix it," Karl says.