Life is being an absolute bitch at the moment. From having barely passing grades to the fights at home, life is being a bitch. Little naïve me from last year was so hopeful but I can now say that that hope is completely crushed.
My parents and sibling fight so much, it's difficult to live with it and if you went through that, I'm sorry and I know it's difficult. My sibling has depression, since 2019. In 2021 it was better, until November, then everything went downhill. In February it got even worse, they got admitted to the fucking hospital and everyone expected me to be fine, so I pretended to be fine. It's a mask and I can't take it off anymore.
My sibling improved a bit since last year, but it's still horrible. It was so bad today that the only option in their eyes was to run off to their loves house. I don't know how to feel. Disappointed in the relationship between my parents and sibling? Angry? Sad? I don't know. All I know is that I'm barely hanging in there and that I need to stay strong because it will be worse otherwise. If my parents cannot deal with one mentally ill child/teenager, they wouldn't be able to handle a second one.
I'm hanging on, but barely, it's getting harder and harder as the days pass by to keep my head above the water. I have the feeling I'm going to drown and no one will notice in time. My only escape is going to my horse riding lessons on Friday and it can't come soon enough. I need to escape, even for those two hours. It is better than staying here.
I needed to get this off my chest and seeing as no one knows who I am in real life, I felt save to do it here. I give advise all the time but I somehow never get advise nor do I take it. I am hoping all will be well soon but I am not counting on it.
The one thing that keeps me going is the quote from Breathing by Ariana Grande: just keep breathing and breathing. Another song is 12:45 by Etham, I relate to it on a certain level
