Mysterious Beginnings (Completed)

19. Goodbye

At some point I fell asleep crying my eyes out. Poor Seth didn't want to go to bed but he always listens when I tell him it is bedtime but I doubt he actually slept since he knew what I was doing before he went to sleep.

I have learned to be extremely quiet at night once he is asleep but he can be a heavy sleeper once asleep. That is the only reason why I am not embrassed with my piece of rubber because I trained myself to be quiet but then again it really isn't the same as human contact. It is already honestly embrassing enough with Seth knowing the birds and bees to life in how a baby is made too.

Currently I am dragging my feet to the kitchen. Sleep is not going to come back to me at all but Seth still is from the light snores coming from his room, which I am thankful for and feel awful for keeping him awake. So right now some tea is in order.

Grabbing my cup of hot tea, I pick up my phone and see a text for Sherry. I had sent her another one last night for the awkward leaving and then just left it at that. In her reply text she said that all was good and wanting to make sure I was actually okay and not just acting shy. According to Sherry's text, she thinks I acted that way due to my wanting to staying away from men when Seth had let it slip how Frank hurt me in the physical manner. In a way, I am thankful that is what she is chalking it up too so I just reply that I am okay and doing better.

Which the doing 'better' is honestly a lie but then again I don't understand this feeling myself it has been a pain for me for close to eleven years. Something Valin messed up on his timing thinking barely over ten when in reality it's close to eleven years since it takes forty weeks of being pregnant or did for me and Seth is a little over ten years old. Time for me is exact but I can see how it would fade for him too I guess. It is actually a shock to my system how he remembers me but it makes me want to ask questions I don't want answers to either.

A light knock sounds on the door and I walk over to it. Without a thought I open it but the person I see has me wishing I hadn't. Definitely not Sherry like I had thought.

Without a word, I start to close the door but Valin's hand stops it with ease. It is like I am not forcing it shut at all.

"What the hell!" I whisper shout. "Get away from my door."

"I needed to talk to you Fayla."

"Talking is long since over Valin. We had a one nightstand to which you were an ass immediately after." I huff and give up trying to force the door shut.

Maybe I need to go to the gym or something. I didn't think I was that weak but just proven wrong on another topic.

"Fayla, I am so sorry for that. If I could change things I would in a heartbeat. That night has haunted me every since."

"Yeah buddy. I am sure it has. As soon as I said get lost it is like you literally just poof gone, there was no hestiation and got what you were wanting." I cut him off with a firm glare and my smart mouth, sass dripping from every word.

"I do honestly regret it." Valin's face is in a frown, eyebrows scrunched, his eyes almost puppy like.

At least now I know where my son can make that puppy face.

"Yeah okay. So I am sure there would be others you have done that too. They may accept your apology easily." I roll my eyes.

"Actually there isn't. Fayla, I haven't been with anyone since you."

My eyes widen. "Now that seems like a lie but hey who am I to say that. Now if you don't mind I'd rather have my tea in peace this morning."

"I was wondering if we could go for a walk to talk. I really would like to make it up to you and fix the past. If I could change the past I would, I would have never."

"Never what? Have sex with me or acted like you had after?" I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Hurt building inside me with each passing moment. There is a pull to Valin that makes me want and crave his touch but, yet, I don't want to me be near him at the same time for how long I had hurt after him and still do to this day. A mask on my face in front of him while my insides are in crumbles.

I feel fingers on my hand behind the door and my periphal vision catches Seth standing behind the door. He may not have been sleeping hard last night so got woke by the talking and slipped over without being seen. I know Valin would have asked no doubt should he have seen a kid with me.

"Fayla. I. I wouldn't." Valin stumbles with his words. "I can not answer that question."

I slowly nod. "Goodbye Valin." I lower my head and start to push the door closed once more with tears in my eyes.

"Fayla please let me." Valin is cut off and this time with Seth's help the door is closed completely.

I turn the lock then put my back to the door, sliding down until my behind is on the floor, bringing my knees up to my chest I start breathing slowly willing the tears not to fall. Just like I had told myself almost eleven years ago, I have wasted to many tears and time on him.

I feel when an arm go around me and the scent of the peppermint tea waffs under my nose. With a slight look over, Seth has got down right next to me while holding my cup from earlier.

"Thank you."

"You can cry if you want too Mama. I still see you as strong since you just got a full blown somewhat conversation with my biological father." Seth shrugs.

Letting out a small laugh I take the cup of tea. With a sigh I sip on the hot liquid slowly and then look over to my son. "I am just trying to tell myself he isn't worth my tears and time hurting. Today his response has me thinking he hasn't changed and honestly confuses me moreso on him. Best thing I can do sweetheart is focus on you." I smile lightly.

"You deserve to be happy too." Seth frowns.

"Who is to say I am not happy?" I frown with him since I don't think I have talked about missing human contact around him.

"I heard Aunt Sherry telling Uncle Levo about it last night when you had went to the restroom. They don't know I can hear so well." Seth shrugs.

I sigh again. "Well nothing for you to worry about." I finish my tea and get up from the floor with Seth following.

"Now you get cleaned up and I will get us breakfast. We have to get back to schoolwork and I have to work today."

Seth nods and we go back to our normal tasks for the day. I feel bad I didn't get to see Sherry and Levo off but this morning has already been more than enough. Call me a coward for escaping questions from them but they also were leaving super early this morning.

A/N---
Hey Hey Guys!!!

How is everyone enjoying the book so far?

Things are starting to stir and turn. Any guesses on what may be coming up?