never again.

chapter 2: depression

The one day Avery had to break up with Jasper was the hardest day he can remember. Other than that one time when he was almost jumped in the school bathrooms, but that's a story for another day... Plucking up the courage to say it after 5 days of not reaching out was difficult but he knew in his heart it was the right decision for both of them.

Going back to school was pretty hard too. He didn't have anyone to meet anymore. No one to walk around with, no one to tell embarrassing secrets to, no one to laugh with, nothing. To at least look like he was doing okay at life. So the people would leave him alone. Because funnily enough they actually did when he was with Jasper. It's not that they were cool together or anything, but he wasn't exactly a loner to pick on anymore. He was happy enough not to care if they did anyway.

But all those old thoughts started rushing back yet again. About how he was just a worthless freak because that's what he looked like walking the streets alone all the time. Because he had no one anymore. Just like before, and just like it always had been, all over again. He was used to it too, so why did it feel so damn difficult this time?

Jasper didn't turn up to school the first week. Like, at all.. It left Avery wondering "Is it my fault?" "Has he done something bad?" "Oh god, why did i say it.." The overthinking was unreal at this point. He kept thinking it was his fault and that he was a bad person. As irrational as it sounds but he felt so guilt ridden the entire time.

A week goes by and he finds out Jasper dropped out of school, from one of his old friends. It almost made Avery annoyed. Like he'd been bullied in the past and still attended every single day without fail. So why couldn't Jasper over a silly little breakup? They were on good terms, weren't they?

But then again, that wasn't a fair way to think about things and deep down he knew that. More than anything, he was just confused. How did once HIS Jasper go from loving and prioritising him to not even trying anymore, at literally anything. He became the person he always preached that he wasn't going to be.

He decided to try and message Jasper. He thought he wouldn't get much of a response since he hadn't recently, but he just needed any kind of clarification he could get. To numb the pain even a little bit. So he said "hey i heard you dropped out. everything ok? i know i was the one who broke up with you but i still care about you yk?" He waited for a response. It took a good few hours. But at exactly 12:03 am he got a message back "oh thanks. i'm doing great, just not going back to that school." Avery didn't know what to even say at this point. So he didn't...

He thought it would be better to leave it all behind him. 6 months all gone to waste. But that hurt less than seeing him and talking to him. Avery got hit with a wave of sadness and didn't know what to do with himself like he used to. Nothing worked. It was inescapable somehow. He was trying so hard to forget. Like he did about everything else that's ever happened, but this was just different.