Reaper

Why Job

Backstory

It's not to say that I'm psychotic and enjoy killing, but I am most definitely not opposed. I no longer remember my mortal life, only the countless kill orders I've so faithfully complied to in the past millennia. Our lords and saviors themself have given me billions of kill orders, I don't know why they could not reap these souls themselves, but it wasn't my question to ask. I remained devoted to the purpose they gave to me, one to serve and obey without question, no more than acts of faith.

Command after command, i dutifully listened. I watched and killed, only grateful to escape the eternity in hell owed to me from my forgotten life. I took lives. Over and over and over, I used to try to remember the names, the faces, until they all blurred together, forgotten much like i was long ago. Life after life, I watched it bleed from their body, watched that life pool around them as a red abyss. But there was one life, I hesitated to take. There was a time where I felt bad for these people, before i no longer saw them as such. But this, this was different, maybe a sliver of what i used to be flashed empathy in my bones, or maybe I saw that they didn't have that red dot, She, didn't have a red dot. An innocent, an innocent that I was to kill. I almost went through with it, i almost plunged that blade right into her pulsing neck, but I didn't. I don't know exactly why or how, but that order shattered a wall in my mind, one I had never known was there lurking behind my darkness. I felt as though a fog had been sucked from my mind, like I could see and think clearly, independently. And I was met with pain. The pain of what i'd done, that day and all before it. I was an unapologetic killer, one with no memory on what had damned me to that sentence. Questions whirled in my mind. "What the fuck" was the main one i rerouted to. I was so utterly confused on my blind obedience and lack of questioning to everything going on. Why the fuck was I so stupid, like a chicken on a leash, but one without a head. I could not find a plausible reason for my unquestioning compliance to them. It wasn't like me to do so. I didn't know what I was like but that certainly wasn't it. I could not understand why I would rather kill millions instead of facing my own damn consequences. Whoever i was, it was definitely someone so self absorbed theyd rather end others to escape their own end. I was so confused, so out of thought as to what was going on, Even more so, why I trusted the judgement of our wholly figures. Why should their opinion be above all others? Although the most likely answer was not that I trusted them, but more that I sought no other options.

That's when I remembered, it's because I agree. I agree with their opinion. I agree that these terrible, monstrous, cannibalistic humans deserve to die. So thats to say I should become an even worse monster to eliminate those second to me? No. That's not it. I was detrimentally confused. My puzzle was unending, the questions in my mind eternal, the unknown was inescapable. I still had a concept of right and wrong, but was now unsure of which concept of right and wrong was right or wrong. The voice in my head was screaming. Not my voice. It was them. The agonizing pleas of those id reaped, That part of my mind was locked away for the entirety of my employment, and I began to see why. I wanted it to stop. I wanted them to stop. It wasn't right. Nothing was right.

I couldn't put it into words.

I felt like my mind was ripping itself apart. The wall that shattered had brought my whole being with it. Or had the wall merely revealed a view unfathomable before. Had my eyes just been opened? But opened to what? Now I wasn't sure of anything, even more uncertain than ever, even more uncertain than my unruly mortal self.

Finally,

I made a decision. Everyone needed to die. I would kill everyone. That was all I could understand. Death. But it should be complete. Death should be the end. The inevitable end. Nothing but darkness, it is what's deserved, but more so what is right. There should be no afterlife, there should be no biased dictators, everything had to be destroyed.

I still found myself thinking. Even after my solution.

I am....What am I? Am I good? Am I bad? No of course not. I am neutral. Yes. Neutral. No. If I was neutral I would not care. Then, what? No villain believes they are bad, but I most certainly do not believe I am good. I do not believe I am bringing justice to anyone, i'm simply bringing whats right. That's it, i'm not good, bad, or neutral, simply right.

I cannot be bad, for if I was bad then that wall would not have broken, right? If I saw that it was wrong to kill that woman, then I cannot be bad. But if I believe that I should rightfully kill everyone, then I cannot be good.

So I would not be good or bad. So.... I have to be right. Logically. Right?

I would figure it out.

Yes.

I need to figure this out.

I will ask god. I will ask him why these thoughts are plaguing my mind. I will also ask his reasoning for all of this. I will ask why he is right, and I will ask why I am needed, and I will ask why he must destroy something he created, if he makes no mistakes. Because he knows, he has all the answers, he can make them stop. He can help me.

Yes. I was wrong to ever question god. He could end me, and I could have deservingly been faced with my previous debt owed to hell. I just need to have him fix me. He will fix everything.

________________________________

Hello reaper.

Hello.

To what, do I owe this pleasure?

Don't you know?

A pause.
He didn't know.
But he should, as he is all knowing.

I would like to hear your own words, Freya.

Of course, I only have some questions, lord.

Ask.

Why?

..

Why do you need me. Why not do it yourself?

Everything plays a role reaper. I could do everything myself if I chose, but I have chosen to give my creations freedom and purpose.

Of course.

Do you not trust my judgement, reaper?

Why should I?

You know why. You feel why, I created you.

Yes, but why. Why do I deem you right?

Is it simply because you are my creator?

It is simply because I am right.

Ah. Very helpful indeed.

Last question my lord, why...why did you order that woman killed?

Why did you not kill the woman?

She was not a sinner lord. I wanted to be sure there wasn't a mistake.

I do not make mistakes. Her death plays a role as does everything. You are disrupting the balance by blatantly disobeying me.

Apologies. I shall not stray from your judgement again.

Freya, it is much too easy to get lost in the misleading thoughts of your mind, but stay true to your purpose and you will not be misguided. I have you for a reason. Everything, happens for a reason.

________________________________
My visit was cut short I suppose, my questions not entirely answered but I suppose they answered them all.

God was not right. And the lord of hell was not right. Nobody was. But if no one is right, that must mean that I am not right either. But I have to be. Someone has to be. No they don't. I can be wrong. I can do what needs to be done, and I can be wrong in doing it, but once it is done all will be right.

I decided once more. I decided I would annihilate everything. I would begin killing as I pleased, no longer reaping for the higher orders. Once I began killing, I would gain the attention of God and Satan. I felt as though I should go out with a bang. Killing the both of them after wiping out all life would not only disrupt the balance, but destroy it completely. I have no obligation to convince anyone I'm right, but Im certain there are beings willing to conform to my ideals.