Just now I sat on the window ledge of the hospital, watching as people pass by. Their lives completely in order, everything seems fine. On their way to work or back. Some of them are probably only getting groceries or something similar. It is interesting, if not funny. My life is on standby, everyday is the same, while the other people have their own lives. They have their routines, their live moves on, while I'm just waiting to get out of this place. The room is submerged in a yellowy-white, smelling like desinfectant and latex. I stood up from the window ledge to get over to my bedside table. My phone was on there, shut off and with cracks all over the screen. Before I can take the next step, my vision gets blurry.
"Nonononono. Not now. No. Stop. Keep it together." the thought runns through my head and I blink rapidly. "Keep it together." I think again. With wobbly legs I take the next step, feeling heavy, while my vision blurrs more and everything starts to turn. "Fucking bullshit. Don't be a whimp." This mantra replays in my head. Concentrating on this sentence and on my body movements, I take the next and last step. Everything in me is screaming to lay down. To just let go. But I won't. Hell no. Slowly, with shaking hands I take the waterbottle off the bedside table. Before I can even take the bottle to my lips, everything goes black. I feel my body getting heavy and slipping out of my control.
I hear a damp thud and feel a damp pain. I probably hit my head or similar. I can't move. I can't see. I can't talk. My mind fuzzy. I hear a beeping sound next to me. Rushed footsteps sound from the corridor and someone rushes in. Most likely a nurse.
"I'll pull you to the side now. I'll put my left hand onto your shoulder and my right on your hip." a masculine voice says. That's something I heard so often. The person does as they say. A dulled feeling of a hand on my shoulder and one on my hip appears. I feel a tug and pressure on my left side, as they pull me into a sideways position. In that moment I smell their parfume. It's masculine and fresh. Like an ocean. I feel a wave of savety flushing over me as they talk to me, before the hand on my hip disappears.
"I NEED 0.5mg EPINEPHRINE!" the nurse yells. Other footsteps can be heard and someone else enters the room. Drawers are opened, something is being taken out of it and later I feel a painful sting in my leg. Slowly I can feel my eyelids move again. The fuzzy feeling in my head disappearing and my body listening to my command again. I take a deep breath. "Oh fuck, that was a harsh one." I let out under my breath. The masculine nurse looks at me with a slight smile, while the other one, a feminine nurse has a serious face on.
The feminine nurse has long, red hair put up into a bun. Her green eyes staring at me, a wide nose and small lips, a bit cracked, her face has deep marks. Lips a straight line and eyebrows put into a frown. Mrs Flown.
"Good morning mrs. Flown" I greet, with a smile on my face, she scoffs and nods her head. "You know you should stay in bed mr. Reeder." she states as her frown grows. After 2 Weeks I slowly know her. She often works the morning shift and always at my station. Now she looks to the masculine nurse, nodding her head. "You got it?" she asks. They answer with a nod, as she was already on her way storming out of the room.
"As I see, you two aren't on good terms Mr. Reeder." they say. Now I can take in their voice. It's deep, raspy. Their gray eyes lay on mine, their black hair flowing around his forhead in curls. The sides are shaved, while the top part is longer. They have a small nose, pointy and rosy lips. Their skin is dark, almost like chocolate.
"Yeah- She uhhh kinda dislikes me." I answer with a smile. "Who- who are you uhh-?" I studder as he holds my arm, helping me get onto my feet. "Mx. Tolar, I'm the new nurse here. I'll help you lay down, but you should stay there." they say. "I'm sorry Mx.? I've never heard that title? Is that for Non-binary people?" I ask. They nod and my smile grows wider. "Does Mrs. Flown know?" I shoot my next question. "Well- yes, but I can see that you know how she reacts to the topic of LGBTQ+" they answer and roll their eyes.
Now I'm the one nodding. I lay down onto the sheets and put the head of the bed up, so I'm sitting. "When can I go home?" I can tell that they are the quiet type, because I normally get questions. Many questions. But they are also open, answering my question truthfully. "Well- it is... complicated. You got many mental health issues- and they lead your body to just shut down most functions." they say. I sigh loudly. And stand up again. "I'll go home. I had enough." is now the announcement. Shocked Mx. Tolar looks at me.
"Take care Mr. Reeder." Now I'm at the place to be stunned, but glad. "Thank you."
