Baby Steps

Chapter 2

First Step

I hereby testify that sleep is the best remedy. All the negativity I slept with is gone, poof! And my brain would probably light a bulb right now if we tried. The only downside was my puffy eyes and slight headache. Well, healing does take time, doesn't it? Breathing is proving to be a whole lot easier today. Everything feels lighter, better. At least we got that going for us.

I decided tea is a vital component for a day this great so I was up and making tea before I know it. A cup of tea, some cookies and a lecture about eating properly later, I was out walking to my first lecture of the day. Except today I am sure I will make it on time (I am like an hour early).

The view is scenic, picturesque even. And it's a place created to be enjoyed and cherished. A place to be appreciated. I wonder why we seem to forget things that would create such a difference had we given them some of our time and attention.

The morning sun warmed me slightly, the orangey hue making me smile. Do I look like a maniac for those looking? Maybe so. But today I won't care. Maybe this is how I will stop mis-living life?

If I used everyday in my life to think about all the ways life can go wrong or all the ways life can go right, which one would actually yield something? I guess I would have to be actively engaging in either if I really want some kind of outcome. Afterall what are words without actions? They would just be thoughts. And thoughts we can't see or touch. But does that make them any less significant?

In my happy haze, I had forgotten my notebook. At least I could use my phone so it wasn't really problematic. But what's the point of memory if I am going to remember things that won't serve me and forget those that would? How is it that it is my brain and I don't have a say? How come we say we are intellectual and mostly dwell on unknowns and speculations? Anyways ...

I saw my friend after class. She noticed my almost 'not puffy anymore' puffy eyes.  I said, "Didn't really sleep well." She believed me. I don't know if I feel better she noticed or worse. For she only saw what any eye could see.

I thought my way through the rest of the day. If you asked me all about the thoughts, I wouldn't be able to tell you them. They kept me company and now they are gone. Lost, maybe to never be found. I really hope there is some reserve somewhere in my head where my thoughts go to after they fleet away and escape my hold. So at least, even if I don't have them actively, I know they are there somewhere.

Does man love thinking because it's the only thing man truly owns? Does man love thinking at all?

At times, it feels like our thoughts are what drive our destruction. Well at others, our victory. I guess there is a thin line between everything. Wouldn't that be a paradox, though? If I hate thinking, how do I know I hate it without thinking that I hate it? Why am i thinking this again? Well, changing the wording would make everything better. Is this how situations in life work as well? What a life we have!