Humsafar

Night Calls

It was one of those winters night when Khirad dreaded leaving her bed, but the empty spot beside her forced her to leave the cozy premise of her room. She knew this time, she'd have to put in extra effort to find her husband in this huge mansion. Therefore, she preferred going to the kitchen to relieve her parched throat. Thankfully, it didn't take many strolls around their new house that Ashar bought for his family a few months ago. Truth be told, Khirad missed their previous home.

There he was. Her husband had very smartly shifted the recliner from their room to the poolside and set up an entire office in the middle of the night, predicting that he'd be saved from his wife's wrath. Khirad noticed that they were growing old or maybe events of the last few years had a daunting impact on both of them, especially Ashar. Khirad stood afar, inclined against the wall crossing her arms with a deep sigh. She always admired her husband's dedication and hardworking nature but he was too hard on himself. Unnecessarily hard. And she hated to see that because he deserved better than this.

It was around 2 am and he was decked with papers and his laptop screen flashing right onto his face. During their last checkup, the doctor had strictly advised him to lessen his screentime. It was under control when Hareem was around but in last few weeks things weren't going as planned. Khirad noticed that the tea cup she made for Ashar hours ago after dinner was lying on his left side untouched. Things were serious when he forgets to have his chai.

If he hadn't had his chai, it meant he forgot his meds as well.

Ya Allah, how am I going to survive in this house with this man child. Khirad thought to herself.

Ashar was fumbling through the papers and accidentally hit the teacup with his elbow which spilled it all over the papers.

"Satyanaas." He whispered in agitation.

"Now I know where did Hareem learn this word from. Thanks to you," Khirad smiled sarcastically and held each paper in the air making sure it doesn't leave a stain but sadly, it had done the deed.

"It's quite late, you should sleep." Ashar ignored her statement and shifted his gaze toward his laptop wishing Khirad would leave the topic and this space immediately. He didn't want to hear from her again and was too tired to get into an argument.

Ignoring the huge chair near the recliner, Khirad patted Ashar's thigh and made space for her. "You're ignoring your health, again."

Ashar heaved a huge sigh and shut the laptop himself. He was tired and the fine lines around his eyes twisted Khirad's heart. "Things aren't going well, Khirad, It's terrible at the office. I just don't know how to sort this mess."

Khirad looked at her exhausted husband who had closed his eyes and rested his head for a while. He barely did that these days because the stress at work wasn't allowing him to take an easy breath for even a second.

It had been a year since their lives took another drastic turn. A year ago, both Ashar and Khirad thought it was impossible to live their lives like old times. But they knew they had a child to look after and for her they had to make compromises and sacrifices. Though Ashar had asked Khirad to accept him for Hareem's sake, the guilt took over soon and he couldn't forgive himself. His guilt-ridden state urged him to consider the possibility of leaving Hareem and Khirad, and providing them the financial support they needed without plaguing Khirad's life with his shadows. But the latter told him that's not how things work. They soon got into couple's therapy that helped them become better parents for Hareem and better life partners for each other. In the meantime, Fareeda passed away and Ashar decided his little family deserved a fresh start which is why he shifted to a new house. It seemed all way going well but things at work started going worse day by day. Ashar didn't realize that he was so engrossed in his personal life mess that his professional life went on stakes.

And since then, sleepless nights were followed by an insane amount of work and cigarette puffs. He hated it when Hareem or Khirad caught him smoking. He tried quitting but how was is it possible to leave a habit of 4 years in 4 months. Though he didn't smoke as often but it was hard to resist when he was distressed. He couldn't understand where things went wrong at office and right now he needed help - sane advice from someone more experienced and the only person who could give that was not alive anymore.

Khirad gently freed Ashar from the laptop and held his hand. Her thumb caressed his calloused fingers and looked at him straight in the eyes- just like old times.

"You're not going to solve it by staying awake all night and neglecting your health."

"I'm lost. I'm unable to figure out things yaar-"

"That's because you keep on wondering what would Mamu do or say in this situation. You're putting yourself in Baseerat Hussain's shoes." She pacified him gently, firmly holding his hand and the other caressing his face. "But you're not him. You've to figure this out from your own perspective instead of thinking what would others do. It's YOU who isn't having confidence on himself. You're assuming whatever happened was your mistake which is why you shouldn't trust your opinion."

"Ashar- Ups and downs in business are part of life just like they're a part of our personal lives. You need to stop being hard on yourself."

"Apna aap aksar failure lgta hai mujhay,"

"You both father daughter are same. Hareem ko bh Maths kay test mein fail ho kr aesa h lgta hai."

'Well that's because she hadn't been practicing and unfortunately inherited my maths skills."

A laughing Ashar paused and looked at his wife who was wearing her usual black kurta she wore at night. The diamond pendant he gifted her was sparkling against the moonlight and her arms were once again adorned with their family kangans. Ashar noticed unlike before the redness on her face was back and she looked alive and healthy. During Hareem's treatment, he was afraid that she was sick too, which was true to an extent because they figured out since Hareem's birth Khirad was anemic. But thankfully, the situation wasn't that bad and doctors told him that she needed plenty of care, rest and nutrition. He wanted her to be happy, he wanted to move the mountains to make up for his sins. He wished he could remove himself from this earth so she could forget the pain he inflicted for so many years.

The thought was unfinished and Khirad replied as if she knew what he was thinking, "I need you. Our daughter needs you. And we are proud of how far you've come. Please don't let anything pull you down. We want you healthy and happy. You promised you won't leave me again,"

Her voice croaked and Ashar realized Khirad had been worrying too much regarding his health. He thought it was age but doctors told him that his mental stress was taking a toll on his body. He was too young to be taking these medicines and his reports weren't too good either. Since then Khirad had been paranoid about everything which resulted in switching to olive oil at first place and banishing him and Hareem from ordering food late at night and reducing their outdoor dinners to a bare minimum.

Ashar closed his eyes and placed Khirad's palm against his face. Her touch still carried some magic for him. He could lie there all night beside her and it would be enough.

Without saying anything, he followed Khirad who was holding her hand firmly. They made way to their bed and Khirad wrapped her arms around a drowsy Ashar. It took him a second to notice that her hair was open- something she'd do so often these days. It warmed his heart that she was making these small efforts for him, for this relationship to work. He buried his face in her chest and let out a relieved sigh. Khirad's protective embrace was doing its charm and he was close to sleeping. The last thing he remembered was Khirad stroking his hair and pressing her lips against his forehead.

He smiled and thought Khirad was right. He had to start doing things from his perspective- without any guilt or remorse. He had made promises and once again lit a ray of hope in this woman's heart who was once again loving him wholeheartedly and ready to do anything for him.

End