Rain In My Heart

01

Last step

Am I supposed to be happy knowing the special person in my life choose to stay with me and can't leave... go away for a peace place she deserve. That I'm the one whoose blocking the way through that place she truly belong.

It's funny to think that she choose me despite the fact that she don't need to take care of me. In short I'm not her responsibility to treat like I'm her own child. Though we're not connected in other matter.

I'm thankful. Very. For her to be part in my life. But sometimes I may think having a mother beside me.
My own mother. That i'd be proud to say that I had on my own.

"Saddie huwag naman ganto! Please! j-just s-stay with us please!". Umiiyak at halatang hirap na sambit ni Mommy. Nag babakasakaling mag bago pa ang desisyon ko. Pero hindi eh. Hindi na. Kung sya hindi maka alis dahil sakin pwes ako na ang aalis kung sya puro ako ang iniisip at hindi ang sarili nya.

It hurts. So damn much to see her crying and beg me to change my mind. And just stay beside her. As if this is i really want to do to. The truth is I had so much trouble on making it as my decision. I want the best for her. I maybe a burden to her and her family those years I had been with them. I appreciate the things they do for me but for somewhat reason it'll be too much to pay someday.

"Mommy I appreciate all things you'd for me. For taking care of me,loving me,supporting me. And I'm thankful that you had been part of my life. I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself don't you dare cry for me once I step the last step on this house cause I only chase my dream and make you proud. Cause someday I'll be back on this house for the all of you..specially to the person who standing in front of me crying...that tears I'll make it the tears of proud and relief... remember that Mommy". I said and she finally let go of me.

"Saddie..p-promise me you'll take care of yourself. J-just please..okay?". Nahihirapan parin nyang sabi pero unti unti na syang kumakalma.

"Promise.I love you Mommy!". I said and hug her tightly. This time a tear from me finally drop. I hate drama! I said but when it comes to her I became vulnerable.

"I love you too! Saddie! Please come back to me..okay?! I'm looking forward for your comeback even if it takes years..I'll wait. Kahit wala kang patunayan Saddie I'm already proud of you. Very proud".

This time napa hagulhol na ako. I know that! But ofcourse i want to prove that I deserve all the love and care she gaved to me.

"What?! Are you out of your mind?! Saddie?". Napapikit ako sa rindi ng boses ni Elli. Sinabi ko kase sa kanya na umalis ako sa bahay at kasalukuyang nag hahanap ng apartment na malapit sa school na pinapasukan ko.

"Where are you now?! God Saddie alam mo namang masyado kang maganda para sa apartment! Dapat sa condo! Hayys I'm gonna fetch you! Just text me the location!". Pag hy-hysterical nyang sabi. Alam ko naman kaseng maraming mga taong ako ang pakay siguro sa physical appearance ko..I don't know. Kaya isa ito sa dahilan kung bakit tutol si mommy sa desisyon ko.

Nandito ako ngayon sa coffee kung saan dito ako nag tatrabaho. Kasalukuyan akong nag hahanap ng apartment na malapit sa school hindi ko naman inoproblema ang financial since I already have a part-time job in this coffee shop which the owner is Elli's Auntie. Matagal tagal naman akong nag tatrabaho dito kaya mataas na yung said ko. And the perfect is this shop is good at all the financial,treatment in one another. This shop is my second home..

"Saddie!". Nakakabinging sigaw ni Elli kaya halos lahat ng customer dito ay samin ang tingin. Sinamaan ko ng tingin si Elli dahil sa ginawa..pwede naman kaseng wag sumigaw..

"Sorry. Hey whats up on your mind? Why suddenly decide this..hmm? Kindly enlighten me". Taas kilay nyang sabi sakin.

"As I have told you. I need to stand on my own you know".

"But how about tita Ella Saddie? Did she said yes about your suddenly decision?".

"Yes. But don't expect Mommy fully support my decision".

Kinwento ko rin sakanya ang mga bagay bagay bago ako naka alis.

"How about my cousin condo? Sya lang naman yung nandon at palaging wala". Suggest nya dahil nag tanong ako kung meron ba syang alam na apartment or condo na malapit sa pinapasukan namin.

"Hmm it that condo near our school? And in this shop? You know I don't like exploring new things eh".

"Hmm actually yes! Malapit lang dito yun and also sa mga pinupuntahan natin".

"So..uhmm may I meet your cousin? so that I'll discuss to him/her my rules and regulations". Tanong ko.

"Him. But he's nice naman and I've told you kanina hindi naman yun don palagi you know may pagka bad boy din ang isang yun but he's nice once he know you".

Napataas ang kilay ko sa sinabi nya. Lalaki?! Siguro mabuti pa lalaki kase kung babae maraming adjustment ang gagawin ko..

Hindi maman kase pwedeng kila Elli ako dahil gusto ko ngang matuto hindi naman ako matututong tumayo ng saliri ko kung kila Elli ako. Specially napaka bait ni Tita Stella Elli's Mother.

"Lets go?". Tanong ko sabay tayo.

"Wait I'll call him to check if he is in the condo". Tumango nalang ako bilang pag sang ayon sa sinabi nya.

Habang nag hihintay ay hindi ko maiwasang hindi mag isip kung kaya koba na wala si Mommy sa tabi ko. Makakaya ko ba?.. but I said I'll make her proud. So I must do and be strong...I said I'll chase my dreams for her to be proud of me..

I'm true to my words about saying I'll comeback once I've done and chased my dream.

-a.m