Brighter then the red sky. (Inanimate Insanity)

Why we lose

(⚠️Warning⚠️ this chapter contains: mentions of S/H, mentions of death, mentions of suicide, panic attack)

Blueberry's pov

As I was riding down I remembered the entire reason I came out in the first place was to get a snack. I guess I'll do that too. As the elevator came to a stop, I walked into the bathroom first since it was closer. Plus, I'm not taking food anywhere near a bathroom.

But, as I closed in on the bathroom door, it was closed looking through the crack in the bottom I saw lights on, which means most likely occupied.

Great. I love this morning as much as I love myself. Get it? I hate myself. I'm hilarious.

I knocked on the door as a signal that someone needed to get inside. I heard a slight shuffling as the door started to open to an unfamiliar figure. "Oh uhh..." he started clearly confused. I said "I promise that I do live here. I'm Blueberry. You can ask OJ if he remembers me." Looking up at him he chuckled nervously and said "Alright I guess. Have a good rest of your day then."

As he walked out I could feel his eyes still on me as I entered without closing the door, searching through the cabinets. His gaze was understandable but I wasn't sure what he was looking at: me or my left arm specifically.

I soon got my answer. "Is your arm ok?" He said, sounding a bit concerned. "It will be." I simply stated. I was oddly calm considering the situation. I think I've been in this scenario before.

I turned and looked him up and down for the first time. I remembered him now. He was in seasons 1 and 2 but couldn't partake in 3 since 2 was still going. He would've made it, I heard he was popular to the fans who had ranked him 4th most wanted in season three. But, he was a finalist and they couldn't have that. That would be way too confusing. "What happened to yours?" I said without thinking.

He looked at his hands and hesitating he said "Nothing lethal. I just cut them...On accident of course!" and looked away. I turned around and opened a drawer seeing a small pocket knife inside. I chuckled at the sight "What chaotic irony." I said looking him in the eyes.

Then I stopped at the sudden realization that I laughed at all. It's not like I never do it just isn't that often of a thing.

"Ya...I guess you could say that." He eventually replied, knocking me out of my trance. I looked back at him after grabbing a few roll of bandages and chucked him one he caught with ease. "Fix yourself up. It's easier to lie about it when it's covered." I said as I started to do the same to my own arm.

He looked at me a bit confused but quickly gave himself a nice wrapping job on both of his arms and threw the roll back to me. I honestly nearly dropped it, I haven't caught anything in a while. "Thanks." He said as he hesitantly walked out of the doorway and to what I assumed was his room.

As I turned the light off I thought 'Dang for being a literal knife, he is not good at S/H.'. I walked over to the fridge and started to look around. I grabbed a  water bottle and a Dr. Fizz, then turned around seeing a random bag of chips on the counter and grabbed that.

As I headed back to the elevator, I could hear some noise coming from one of the rooms above me. It didn't sound nearby but it was loud. I couldn't tell what level it was on though. As I pressed the button to my floor and walked along, I could tell it was the floor below me and better yet, the room right below mine so sleep may not be an option tonight. At least I thought that as I set down my snacks and layed on my bed. I don't know if it was the earlier loss of blood that made me so drowsy, but I was thankful for the way it made me practically pass out on the bed.

??? Pov

As me and my brother played with all of our friends and cousins, all here to celebrate new year's, we laughed and danced and threw our firecrackers near the pets to give them a small scare.

Although what started out as light fun turned super scary! One of our cats ran into the road and not just any...it was my brother's favorite! I had to get him for him. As I walked across the sidewalk and picked up the cat, who hurriedly jumped out of my arms, the ground started to shine a bit brighter. As I stood up and waved at my brother to let him know where I was, I saw a look of panic crawl into his face. He started running towards me yelling something. I turned around just in time to see the bright flash of headlights right before-

Blueberry's pov

I screamed softly as I woke up. I was crying, sweating, I couldn't see straight, my head was spinning as it all flooded back and happened at once.

My sister's name was Raspberry, she died from getting run over by a car and the reason it gave me so much trauma was not only because I saw it from a distance, but I saw the body up close.

And as I looked at myself in the mirror next to my bed, the only thought that filled my mind was: it should've been you. You saw it, why didn't you prevent it? Idiot. As the thoughts raced through my head I buried my face in my knees as I tried to calm down. I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself right then and there. Why didn't I?

No one cares, no one was stopping me were they? I had a knife right next to me, I had a chair and some rope in a closet heck, I could drown myself if I wanted to get creative with the bathtub. So why am I  hesitating? I went over to the closet and took out the thick piece of string. The string that was gonna decide if I died today.

Holy crap I worded that last part way too poetically- but that aside, 1074 words! Let's hope they aren't Blueberry's last...