Utsukushii Kare/ My Beautiful Man [ENGLISH TRANSLATION]

Chapter-2; PART-5: Bitter Sweet Loop

                   

                                   Translator: White Lotus

                             

           
                                            ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈

At the end of September, Hira met Koyama for the first time in a long time after summer vacation. It was the first time they had seen each other since Koyama's birthday, and even though Hira felt a little embarrassed, Koyama came to talk to him after class in a very casual manner.

"Long time no see. Did you go somewhere during summer vacation?"

As they walked along the corridor, Koyama asked casually.

"I didn't go anywhere. I stayed home the whole time."

"I see. Yeah, you don't appear to have much of a tan either."

Koyama smiled ambiguously, and even the insensitive Hira realized that it was not a casual question. During the summer vacation, Koyama asked him to hang out with him many times, but Hira always refused on the pretext that he was busy. Koyama must have thought it was strange that his answer just now contradicted what he had said before. Yet he still didn't say anything.

"Koyama."

"Hmm?"

"I've been thinking about ......"

Hira had already made up his mind, but it took great courage to say it out loud.

Ever since he met Kiyoi again, Hira had broken down. Or, to put it another way, return to the previous state.

As if he had lost his mind, he began searching for Kiyoi's name on the Internet every day. Up until this point, he had been deliberately avoiding the smoldering fire, but now he found himself engulfed in a large flame that appeared to have been doused in gasoline. He was scolded by his mother for not even leaving his cell phone at dinner time. Hira himself felt disgusted.

Worst of all, he once again indulged in a behavior that he had forbidden himself from engaging in while he was in high school. He frantically collected magazines in which Kiyoi had appeared as a model, looked at them voraciously, and then unwittingly lost control. No matter how hard he tried to restrain himself, deep down in his heart, he still had the desire to touch Kiyoi. The sensation of the fluid being released into his hand propelled Hira into a vortex of self-loathing, elevating Kiyoi to an even higher and farther existence from him.

"I think we should stop talking and meeting like this."

After making up his mind, Hira declared his decision in a single breath.

Koyama didn't say a word. Looking straight ahead while walking.

"Because I'm quitting the club."

Koyama still didn't say anything. Walking through the cafe and the courtyard, not knowing exactly where he was going. Koyama didn't even look at him; he just kept walking along the road in front of him.

"Are you listening?"

After hearing this question, Koyama finally stopped. Then he looked at Hira with an angry look on his face.

"I'm listening. If that's the case, then I'm quitting the club. By the way, we've talked about this topic before, haven't we?"

"It's not the same as that time before. I feel very bad for keeping you waiting for so long."