How is it possible that one can awaken with utter exhaustion and immediately beg to slip back into a state of unawareness?
That's the question you can't help but ask yourself. Being oblivious is something you never like to be. You just hate not knowing. You hate not knowing where you are, what you're doing, or who you're with. You hate not knowing if you should be where you are, with whom you're with, or doing what you're doing.
What if you never know again? What if you're imprisoned in this constant state of oblivion, with not even enough cognition to wonder?
What if you never know what life feels like again—what peace feels like? Joy? Love?
You can remember love. Specifically, the love you've been given and have received with open arms time and time again.
"Wanna know a secret?"
Your cold hands gripped the slightly rusted, yellow-painted metal, stabilizing your body atop the aging set of monkey bars. The soles of your white Reeboks dug into one of the handles a few spaces from where you sat, elbows locked into place behind you, being your only assurance that you wouldn't fall.
Eren sat still in front of you, grinning as he kicked one leg off to the side, completely carefree. The dusty, white laces of his creased Retros followed the swing of his foot, back and forth.
The two of you were nearing the halfway mark of the Spring semester of your sophomore year. You had been dating since Christmas break.
"Not really, no," is what he said to your question, but to this day, you still don't know if he truly felt that way or not. He's always been a bit two-faced with you—in the most innocent of ways.
"Well, it's got something to do with you..." trailing off, you curtained your eyes beneath your lashes, toying with your expression.
"Me?" He smiled slyly, knowingly diving headfirst into your scheme.
Watching as his hand moved from playing with the loops of your shoelaces to embracing the meat of your calf, you fought to meet his eyes. "Yeah. You still wanna know?"
"Never said I did." He squeezed your leg, flashing you a grin that had successfully evaded his previous attempts to hide it.
Ignoring his remark completely, you allowed your own smile to live a little bit longer on your lips. The eyes that once chained to his fell to the scuffed toes of your shoes, unintentionally avoiding his magnetic gaze. He always managed to pull you in no matter how hard you tried to push away.
