I follow Dad out to the hall, placing myself next to the small window carved into the door I just walked through. Balling up my fists in my pockets, I dig my thumbs into my palms, rubbing the skin raw. I use them to smooth the pain away, before repeating the same process again, over and over, reminding myself I can make it vanish every time.
But I only manage to remind myself that my bad habits die hard.
Standing at my side, she'd always hold my hand and become my source of composure, and I hers. I'd lock her fingers between mine so she wouldn't make them bleed. But, she's not at my side right now. She's not even at her own, unable to do anything other than let herself fucking rot in that damn bed. But at least I know she can't bleed right now.
Maybe, by the time she gets better—if she does—God, I hope she does—that bad habit of hers will be broken, and all the blood she's earned won't continue to escape her.
"Neither of them are gonna get any better. Not if we leave it all to hope."
The thing about my dad is, he's straightforward. He's also a big pessimist, despite working in a field that thrives on the complete opposite. I've known that all my life and I've dealt with it all my life. Yet, the words I just heard leave his mouth have shaken me to my core. They've mangled my insides, wrapped them around each other, and squeezed each one so damn tight I can barely breathe.
"Eren, I wanna be realistic with you, and you, of all people, know it breaks my heart to say this, but... your mama—we can't do anything to help her, but Y/N... she's still here, son. She still has a chance. And I know you want to give her that chance."
My attention moves through the glass to the girl lying so still on that bed, struggling to find peace even in sleep. She's always claimed to be a fighter. She's always lived up to it, but I think she's given up. And I don't really blame her.
My stinging eyes draw back to my dad as I lift my fists from my shorts, digging my palms into my sockets, so damn desperate to fight the tears. I've cried so much in the past few days, so why do I still care to hide?
"I don't want to kill Mama, Dad."
"You won't be killing her, son. Death will."
Death is inevitable when life is involved. No matter how good or bad life is, it must come to an end, either later on or at this very moment.
