FIGHT FOR ME

HIS PAIN

🚨THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE! PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING IF YOU FEEL EMOTIONALLY TRIGGERED IN ANYWAY.

JIMINS POV

I sigh as I lie in bed it feels like a routine now, crying after expecting something from people only to be disappointed in the end. I feel like I have been crying forever thinking about jungkook. I always feel pathetic when I think about it, so I try my hardest not to. I still can't believe I was stupid enough to think he would be happier to me at work, when in reality he doesn't even acknowledge me outside of my bedroom. I wipe my red and puffy eyes with my long sleeves trying to pull it together, I have to get out . Maybe do something besides crying my eyes out.

I roll over on the fluffy bed all wrapped up in my softest blanket too lazy to get up to have lunch or get a drink of water. I shoot Missy a text asking if she was free  to hangout today evening but got no response . Groaning i try to embrace the emptiness that would swallow me whole today. I hate freedays, freetime is the time I can think about anything and everything. And the more I think about myself the more I feel like giving up. It would be lie to say I haven't thought of giving up on life.
I was always a disappointment to everyone around me , was nothing special. I close my eyes and the first face that comes to my mind is that of my dad, born as a omega male was considered an absolute disgrace by him, who refused to acknowledge my existence unless it was absolutely necessary, my mum says he even was upset with her after I was born and distanced himself from her. 'the first male omega in the park blood line !' That was me. Male omegas were very rare, considered as less desirable as compared to female omegas who were viewed as symbols of beauty and virility, as male omegas have a far lesser chance of conceiving so all the very few of us were considered more or less a burden .
The less chance of finding a mate and decreased chance to get knocked up had lead majority of male omegas to be forced to make a living from prostitution or stripping.
My family further disapproved of my passion for dance, my way of dressing and almost everything I did, I was not like anyone in my elite family who wore suites and cocktail dresses everytime they stepped foot out the door.
My family runs one of the most successful chain of companies in South Korea, THE PARK INDUSTRIES, so like a good son I was expected to study MBA and take over my dads position as the CEO . But I was never good studies, i loathed it , hated that I was forced to study, hated that my life was decided by my family without any regard to what I want. I was treated like filth by my parents, they ignored my existence mostly ,only spoke to me when I was needed to go with them to some social event or be present at parties. They constantly forced me to talk to the men my father was involved in business with. when they were inappropriate or suggestive , I was expected to let it go and allow it , 'don't make a scene!' My mum would say, 'this is the least you could do for us for everything we do for you'. So when I got the chance to escape ,I secretly applied to the elite Seoul school of dance and was accepted, naturally my family was against it , but I was determined and stubborn, I fought with everything I had to be free . Fedup ,my parents decided to marry me off to their 45 year old business partner. I begged and pleaded to be let go , I fell on my dad's feet only to be kicked over my ribs , was called an insult , an abomination as I was slapped over and over , mother didn't lift a finger to protect me , my sister looked away but did nothing as I wailed in pain at fathers feet before passing out, With the little bit of money I had , I ran away. At 18 I knew what freedom was , I built my life with no surname and no backup plan. I got everything I wanted but  had no one to share my successes with, none to tell me how proud they are of me . Even when I had everything i wanted I didn't have anyone .

When I ran from home I had  nowhere to go, all alone lost and hurting I dragged myself to the only person I could think of, jungkook. He took me in no questions asked, got me settled in college helped me get into an apartment near campus where everything I would ever need was waiting for me , he was my saviour; Sometimes I feel like he is the only reason I am alive today. He gave me everything I wanted ,made sure I eat ,sure I was safe and like the idiot I am I fell more and more in love with him. everything he did for me ,i stupidly thought he loved me . Atleast that he liked me .