Simple & Clean

It's Hard to Let it Go

It's been three months since Alex and I broke up, and I've only gotten progressively worse.

Everywhere I look, there's always something, something that reminds me of Alex.

I would see a Starbuck's and think of those early morning workouts we had together, drinking caramel macchiatos afterwards.

I would walk by the gym we used to work out at and I think of all the hours we spent there getting buff...and complaining the entire time. I would think of when we got kicked out because we were making out on the benches.

I would hear a song and think about Alex. He would love that song. I would pull out my phone to text him and tell him about the song, and I would panic because his contact wasn't there. Then I would remember.

I can't listen to Taylor Swift anymore.

I can't go to Chipotle with Mitch anymore.

I can barely sing anymore because I would look over, expecting Alex's small smile and the loving look in his eyes. But he isn't there. I haven't seen him since the night we broke up.

I can barely look through the camera roll on my phone without crying over a selfie we took. When we were happy.

Was Alex always happy? I never asked him, because he seemed like he was.

I was happy. I was so, so happy whenever we were out, just the two of us.

Three years.

For almost three years I've told him everything, I've given myself to him so many times, I gave him everything I had, and now it's over.

It's not fair.

I have no idea where Alex disappeared to. I want to see him again. So, so badly.

I thought I didn't need him anymore at one point. My light was on at the time. I thought I would be okay.

Then I went off again. I needed him.

But I couldn't remember his number.

Whenever I needed to call him I would just pull up Siri and say, "Call Allie."

I miss those late night conversations. I miss the FaceTiming whenever I was on tour with Pentatonix. I miss the playful insults. I miss sending him heart-eye emoji after heart-eye emoji.

I miss Alex.

I miss him more than can I express.

Maybe I'll get better and stay that way if I just knew Alex was missing me too.

~

I was wandering the streets of LA, listening to Beyoncé when I saw a poster on the window of an art supplies store.

LOS ANGELES ART SHOW

FEATURING ARTWORK BY ALEX KIRK

FRIDAY, JUNE 12TH AT BARKER HANGAR

9:30 AM TO 3:30 PM

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

I stood there gaping at the poster.

Alex?

He's in an art show?

I pulled out my phone and made an event for June 12th, 9:30 am to 3:30 pm.

Time to pay Alex a visit.